I'll Be There For You
by GoingToCalifornia
Summary: Blair, Nate and Serena. Futurefic. Please review. "Blair turned her back on the room; he didn't want to see if he had made her cry, he knew he was out of line."
1. Worrying About All The Wrong Things

**A/N: OK I need to apologize sort of sixty million times over, but I had got myself into a rut with the first take of this and had totally strayed from where the story was supposed to be heading. I blame it on late night writing sessions while sort of halucinating with tonsilitis. So please forgive me and don't let it put you off reviewing because I don't want to post anymore if people are mad at me for starting again so if you do want me to post the rest of the fixed story please review!**

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_It's so easy to get lost inside  
A problem that seems so big at the time;  
It's like a river that seems so wide,  
It swallows you whole._

_While you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change,  
And worrying about all the wrong things;  
Time's flying by;  
Moving so fast;  
You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back. _

_Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand;  
What you've been out there searching for forever,  
Is in your hands._

_When you figure out love is all that matters after all,  
It sure makes everything else  
Seem so small._

* * *

"You know what? I don't give a fuck! I can't spend another second in this place!" Blair yelled at him as she began throwing things haphazardly into one of the cases she'd dug up.

"Good! Maybe I can't stand you anymore!" Nate shouted. "It was your idea we moved here in the first place and so what if I like it?"

Blair scowled at him as she zipped her case, everything would need ironing when she got to Manhattan but that's what maids are for. "You don't like it here," she muttered, "you just like the platinum blond beach clones."

"What?" Nate asked indignantly.

"You heard what I said!" Blair said defensivley as she continued to pack.

"You think I…"

Blair stopped packing and turned in anger. "I know you did. I saw you and whatever the fuck her name is from your office, the one with the cheap knock-off louboutins."

"Oh my God Blair, you don't trust me! We are never going to work if things keep playing out like this! What should we like move to Denali so there's nobody else around? Or should we just finish?" There was a long silence, Blair had her back to him. He was pretty sure she was crying, her shoulders were in that stance that he recognized all too well. He knew he should take her in his arms and tell her about how they'd kissed but the girl had initiated it and tell her about how the whole three seconds all he could think about was Blair and how he knew everything would work between them because he loved her. But he didn't make any move towards her.

"Maybe it's a good thing you're happy here."

"Maybe it is, why don't you just go back to New York and find someone else to be this possessive over. Maybe he could put up with it." Nate said looking away as Blair turned back to the room, he didn't want to see if he'd made her cry, he knew he was out of line.

She was careful not to touch him as she brushed past. "And maybe I'd actually love him." she said poisonously.

He heard her Jimmy Choo flip flops thwack down the marble stairs of their Beverly Hills home.

"I'll call from New York," she called as she opened the door.

Of course; she never called.

* * *

"You have to tell him." Serena bit her lip, sure she was about to received a verbal beating. Blair nodded pensively. "Are you OK?" Serena squeezed Blair's arm. Her best-friend was taking this a lot worse than Serena could ever have imagined. Blair nodded again, staring into the full cup of coffee.

"What if he…." Blair trailed off running her finger around the rim of the cup.

"What if he didn't mean what he said? What if he's ready to forgive and forget? You know he loves you too." Serena let her head fall against Blair's and squeezed her best friend tight.

"He meant what he said."

Serena sighed, she was almost regretting coming to Blair's apartment now. But Blair had called her in tears and Serena had come over despite her and Dan's plans to take Heidi, their five-year-old, to visit Rufus in Brooklyn. She'd arrived to find Blair crying hysterically and holding out a pregnancy test with the little tell-tale blue line.

"Blair come on; Nate loves you more than anything. You're being a fool. I bet if you called him right now he would pick up in an instant."

"You weren't there Serena it really is over," a tear trickled down Blair's face.

"You can fix it, you always do," Serena began but Blair was shaking her head.

"He said we could never make it work, and he's right. How could we be parents? We'd argue over everything; boy or girl, the diaper brand, which nanny…"

"Manhattan or California?" Serena slyly added in. Blair nodded.

"Don't you think Nate would be back here in a blink if you told him you were pregnant?"

"You didn't see him Serena. You don't understand. Everything's over, it's not like before. We both said stuff/"

"You both said stuff neither of you meant," Serena finished Blair's sentence.

"He meant it." There was another long pause. In which Serena drained her cup of coffee. Blair hadn't even touched her own.

"Are you keeping the baby?" She asked in a small voice, unsure if she really wanted to ask. Blair just shrugged.

"It's probably for the best? Right?" Blair looked at Serena for affirmation, "I mean it's kinder than giving it a mother like me." Blair looked into the black hole of her coffee again broodingly. Serena wrapped her arms around Blair.

"Any baby would be lucky to have you as a mom," Serena kissed her head.

Blair rolled her eyes sarcastically.

"Um Blair? You realize you look after Heidi way way way better than Dan or I? Like waiting to cross the street and watching her every move at the park and you always make me change her when she gets in a mess? Dan and I manage and quite frankly you put us to shame and you don't even have kids," Serena smiled at Blair, "yet."

"So you think I should… have it?" Blair screwed her face up slightly.

"I think you should think really hard and then call Nate after you made your mind up and tell him your decision, don't let him influence you, OK?" Blair nodded.

"But I need to decide!"

"Good luck, I need to be in Brooklyn forty-five minutes ago."

Serena held Blair close and kissed her forehead before leaving. Blair sat thinking as Serena left. She wasn't thinking about the choice she had to make but of telling Nate. The instant she told him she was having an abortion he'd never take her back, ever. But maybe, maybe just he'd want to be there for her and the baby if she told him she was having a baby. But would it be just for the baby? Or because he loved Blair? Blair mulled the thoughts over for a long time. Would he even want to know? Responsibility wasn't Nate's strong point.

* * *

Blair made her decision in the following days, Serena didn't hear much from her. The blonde presumed that Blair was avoiding talking to Serena for fear she'd make her call Nate. Serena knew not to push Blair so she decided to give her a few weeks. After all, right now it was just a bean sized tadpole with an abnormally fast heart beat inside Blair; but in two weeks the little baby would have fingers and toes and Blair would barely be able to help from vomiting every three minutes - not that she needed an excuse. Blair had called into work sick hoping to claim an extra day from her lame excuse. The building loomed before her, it was bland from the outside, it looked like every other unit on this stretch Bleecker Street, you couldn't quite tell what it was from the outside.

The waiting room was silent, a teenage girl sat with her mother looking as if her soul had been sucked out, her skin looked grey and her hair was lank. Blair approached the receptionist, "Blair Waldorf." She said quietly. The woman nodded and smiled indicating the seats. It frustrated Blair the way the woman smiled. It was overly kind, the women looked like one of those women that had two adorable children dressed head to toe from the Gap and lived in a townhouse in the West Village.

_And she just so happened to be a receptionist at an abortion clinic? _

She handed Blair a clip board with a couple of sheets to fill out.

Blair sat, the teenage girl looked at her. Blair bent her head over the clip board wondering how the girl had ended up here, she looked innocent and delicate, Blair herself felt awkward, what was she doing here? This wasn't a place people like Blair Waldorf ended up. A tear trickled down the teenagers face and her mother wrapped her arm around her and kissed her head. "Shh… it's nearly over," she soothed. Blair could never imagine her own mother being that understanding. She wondered how many people knew about this girl's predicament, Blair hadn't told anyone except Serena. She was planning to call Nate afterwards and tell him it was gone. "It" she thought, "It", would the doctor tell her if it was a boy or a girl? Did she want to know? What if it had green eyes? No, no it wouldn't have green eyes, all baby's had blue eyes. Would it's eyes be open? It would have brown hair, there was no doubt about that.

"Blair Waldorf?" The voice interrupted her thoughts and she followed the voice through to the private room. She hadn't exactly finished the forms but the counsellor sat and finished them with her and then the conversation Blair had been dreading began.

Was she sure? _Would she be here if she wasn__'__t?_

Had she considered the other options? _Impossible._

Was she being pressurised? _Blair Waldorf doesn__'__t get pressurised. _

Did the baby's father know? _There wasn__'__t one; not anymore._

The counsellor finally declared her in sound mind and Blair left. Several hours later after a sonogram and blood tests Blair sat in the waiting room all over again. There were lots more people there this time. There was a girl about twenty and a girl who was obviously her younger sister holding her hand. She was far more pregnant than Blair; you could see the baby bump. Blair touched her own stomach self consciously maybe this abortion wouldn't be so bad? Did she really want to get huge boobs and a bump? Nate would never want her back if she looked like _that_! Nate would never want her back when he found out what she'd done.

The doctor smiled, how she could do this job and still smile was anyone's guess. Blair tried to smile as she slid up onto the bed but it was more of a grimace. The nurse stood with a trolley of assorted needles, fluids and other painful looking pieces of medical equipment. "Now, how many weeks are you?"

"Five. Five weeks." Thirty-five to go Blair thought. The doctor lifted Blair's blouse and lightly touched her stomach. Blair recoiled.

"It's OK, don't worry you won't feel a thing just a little scratch," the doctor reassured her. 'Just a little scratch' thought Blair as she was herded into the side room to change into a robe, a little scratch that was going to murder the last part of her and Nate.

She emerged in the robe and the doctor firmly took her arm and guided her towards the bed. "I don't want to kill it," Blair whispered. The doctor didn't hear her as she helped Blair onto the bed. "I can't do this," Blair said louder; pulling her arm from the doctor's grasp. The doctor looked at her; the poor girl was beautiful and young and most probably career orientated. It was always those people she saw. The people that came all the way to Bleecker Street to avoid prying eyes. Blair was back in the side room changing into her jeans and cashmere sweater and the doctor gave her a small smile.

"It's your choice, but we're still here for you until you're twenty-four weeks, OK?" The doctor ran the facts past Blair to keep her in the room a moment longer to ensure her mind hadn't changed.

"I need to call someone," Blair told her weakly. The doctor nodded smiling understandingly as Blair left.

"Serena?"

"Hey Blair," Serena was trying to read the instructions of Heidi's new battery operated doll when she answered the call.

"Serena I'm in Greenwich Village." Blair pronounced and left it hanging.

"Uh-hu," Serena mused, still scanning the instructions. _What did it mean counter-clockwise? Did it really matter? _Then Serena heard Blair burst into tears. "B?" But Blair didn't reply and she continued to cry. Serena dropped the instructions. "Blair what's wrong?"

"I couldn't do it S," Blair wept.

"Couldn't do what?" Serena asked imploringly.

"I couldn't…" Blair was sniffing trying to stop herself crying.

"Couldn't what Blair?" Serena asked getting impatient. "Blair? Can you get in a cab and come here?"

"I- I tried to kill it Serena, but I can't!" Blair was in pieces but suddenly it all came together and Serena realised what was happening.

"Oh Blair, you should have called."

"I didn't want you to change my mind," Blair sniffed.

"Did you tell Nate?"

"I was going to tonight because he'd change my mind too. But now I- I changed my mind and I can't be a mom."

"Yes you can B! I told you this already! Maybe it's best if I come round to yours OK?" Serena offered realising Blair wouldn't much want to be accosted into playing with Heidi.

"OK, I'll get a cab."

"Yes, you get a cab." Serena nodded to herself as she hung up.

"What's up?" Dan asked wandering into the living room.

"It's just Blair, can you try and fix this," Serena gestured to Heidi and her doll as she stood up.

"I've got to go to work, I have a meeting with the editors!" Dan argued.

"I need to see Blair." Serena said stubbornly.

"Serena! The editors of the New York Times; it's huge!"

"Well show them you're a family man," Serena sighed uncharacteristically getting pissed off at him. She was buttoning up her coat and sliding into her heels. Heidi's eyes were darting worriedly between her parents and Serena gave Dan a meaningful look. They both fell silent. Serena knew she'd won. "Bye bye sweetie," Serena blew Heidi a kiss, glared at Dan and then strutted towards the elevator.

* * *

Blair had calmed down by the time her taxi arrived back at her penthouse. She climbed out, handing the driver a twenty, and went inside. The apartment was eerily empty. Not that she wasn't used to it, Nate worked a lot, but it was the feeling of knowing he wouldn't be home at the end of the day that was chewing Blair's insides. She knew Serena was on her way over. Blair knew that honestly Serena thought the abortion was a bad idea and now Blair was starting to come round to the idea. Maybe Nate would come back to New York if he knew. Maybe Blair might even develop some kind of twisted loving feelings for the little blob. Maybe she already had? After all she'd saved it, she was going to give birth to it and then look after it - maybe.

Serena walked briskly out of her apartment building on Park Avenue at 68th and spotted a cab. She put her hand in the air and saw the driver nod. She darted into the road without looking. Then she heard a squeal of brakes, she saw the look of horror on the face of the driver of the cab she was heading for and then she felt nothing.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading, now REVIEW! lol, I should add 'please.' Also the song is by Carrie Underwood and doesn't belong to me blah blah blah. **


	2. Lord Knows I'll Fail You Time And Again

**A/N: So here is chapter two; I want to thank EVERYONE that reviewed. I think there has been some Nair fandom growth due to um... recent events on television or maybe you've all just been hiding until now. Either way this was the best response I've ever had so thank you so much everyone and I beg you all not to stop loving BN when the writers become delusional again! XD Thank you! NB forever. **

**Oh and BTW in case you hadn't guessed I don't own the song and yes it's One Republic; but the album version. I have become aware there is some strange over version with a bridge, but I prefer this one so here you go:**

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_We won't say our goodbyes you know it's better that way  
We won't break, we won't die  
It's just a moment of change  
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right  
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi_

_I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would've fit  
I figured there's nothing to lose  
I need to get some perspective on these words before I write them down  
You're an island and my ship has run aground  
Lord knows I'll fail you time and again,  
But you and me we're alright_

* * *

It had nearly been a week. Dan had barely left the hospital, Blair hadn't let Heidi out of her sight and Lily was already in mourning.

Dan had been holding some sort of sleep defying vigil at Serena's bedside; Blair had tried to talk him round; telling him that it was pointless; if Serena awoke, he'd be first to know, and if she didn't, Serena would never know he wasn't there. Dan hadn't said anything but Lily had given Blair a reproachful look when she said this. Dan wanted to be there, if her fingers moved, if she choked a little, if her eyes fluttered; any sign of the life she had; he wanted to see it. He wasn't up for believing what the hospital staff told him. He was a journalist, he got paid money to write lies, and he was pretty sure the doctors would tell him anything if only to give him peace of mind.

Lily was lost, she seemed totally removed from the situation. Heidi had stayed with her for the first night but Lily couldn't cope and Blair had been volunteered by one of the nursing staff. Lily wasn't like Blair; she couldn't hide her emotions for Heidi. Lily avoided the hospital unless she knew there would be a lot of people visiting. She didn't much want to face Dan alone; they had never got along that well since she and Rufus had split. Lily tried to busy herself, but couldn't help but call the hospital every fifteen minutes, in case there was an update.

* * *

Blair had been left to look after Heidi and it hadn't turned out so badly. She'd made quite a good job, it wasn't as difficult as it looked; Heidi talked a lot, but then again so did Serena. Heidi had fallen in love with Breakfast at Tiffany's and she had more than double the amount of clothes than she'd started the week with. And Blair was almost adapting to having someone relying on her all of the time. She and Nate had relied upon one another to an extent, but not in the same helpless "brush-my-hair-for-me" way that Heidi did.

Blair had dropped Heidi at kindergarten and gone straight to the hospital, she'd got her old job back, but she'd taken some time off for "personal" reasons, which of course had raised eyebrows. Dan was there, he smiled when he saw Blair. "How's Heidi?"

"She's OK," Blair reassured him, "she's been asking for you both." Understatement.

Heidi had been crying her eyes out every night at bedtime for her Mommy and then Blair would sit exasperatedly reading countless fairytales until she finally fell asleep. Then once Blair herself was just about to drop off Heidi would crawl into bed beside her. The first time this happen Blair hadn't quite realized what it meant until she noticed Heidi's pyjamas were soaking. Blair had nearly shrieked but she, instead, calmly dumped Heidi, fully clothed, into the bath and stripped both of their beds. Now it was a nightly ritual but Blair was much quicker and now managed to sweep Heidi off into the bathroom before she climbed into bed beside Blair. Heidi always cried and made Blair promise not to tell Daddy, but it was OK to tell Mommy.

Dan smiled, "I miss her."

"You know you don't have to stay here. Serena knows you love her and she would rather Heidi was happy than you were here when she woke up."

Dan shook his head but didn't say a word. Blair didn't understand, he couldn't leave he had to make-up with Serena. They'd rowed and it had been totally petty, but it was enough for Serena to storm out to go and see Blair. "Why was she on her way to your place?" Dan asked Blair.

Blair's heart began to beat very fast, in the past week the small alien-like being residing in her abdomen had almost been completely forgotten, but it all came flooding back to her when Dan brought it up. In truth she felt guilty that Serena was on her way to Blair's, if only she'd gone through with it, Serena wouldn't have been outside hailing a cab. "She was just… helping with me and Nate and everything," Blair said off-handily. Everything. Indeed after her almost-week of sampling surrogate motherhood it appeared that the small alien-like being would soon be 'everything.'

Dan nodded, "he loves you," he whispered.

"Love's a strong word."

"No offence Blair, but it doesn't matter who you're with so long as it isn't Nate it will never be strong."

"Can you like stop lecturing me now?"

"Of course, but I feel I should tell you Nate called he's on his way out here today."

"He called you?" Blair tried not to let the upset show in her voice.

Dan raised his eyebrows. "I'm telling you Blair, it doesn't matter how angry you are, both of you will regret it if you never get the chance to fix it."

* * *

"I want Nate to brush my hair!" Heidi whined.

"What?" Blair giggled.

"Why is Nate not here? Is he in California?"

"That's right." Blair said shortly as a tear trickled down her face, she wiped it away quickly but not quickly enough. Heidi looked concerned and took Blair's hand lightly.

"Is Nate in hosh-pit-l too? Is that why you're sad?"

"Nate's at his house," Blair said stiffly, that was why she was sad. She managed to squeeze Heidi's little hand, maybe; just maybe, the little blond girl was in fact melting the heart of ice. The little girl looked perplexed.

"I thought this was Nate's apartment."

"So did I."

Just as she said it Blair heard the penthouse lift ding open. Blair's heart began fluttering, she wasn't expecting anyone. Heidi made to run to the foyer. Blair got up and followed her. She knew it was going to be him, before she heard Heidi squeal with excitement or saw his figure holding a duffle bag, which he dropped to kiss Heidi lightly and lift her up.

"Blair," he said in slight confusion, "I thought when Dan said you were looking after Heidi you were at his place."

"No," Blair said without much conviction.

"Natie, come and read me a story!" Heidi pleaded.

"Uh, I need to get going," Nate mumbled.

Heidi looked up at him with her big blue eyes and then at Blair who was glaring daggers at Nate. "But this is your apartment?" She asked in confusion.

As Nate was slowly returning Heidi to the ground and lifting his duffel Blair shook her head. "Nate, I need to talk to you." She blurted out.

Nate looked at her in confusion.

"Please," she looked at him imploringly.

"Or course," Nate nodded.

"Why don't you read Heidi and story and then we can talk?"

"What are you going to talk about?" Heidi piped up.

"The new top secret mission of sending little girls to the moon," Nate joked dropping his duffel again and lifting Heidi up. "Come on, bedtime."

Blair followed down the hall as Nate made for the only single spare bedroom, the bedroom that in less than eight months would have a permanent resident. She felt uncomfortable at how good he was with Heidi. Maybe she should just give him their baby to look after and she could get on with her life.

"You want to listen too?" Nate grinned as he stopped outside the door.

"Yes she does." Heidi confirmed with a scowl. Blair agreed and tucked Heidi snugly into bed as Nate chose a story and then Blair sank onto the sofa which was slightly withdrawn from Nate and Heidi.

Heidi listened intently and Blair listened languidly to all the stories that ended "happily ever after" where nobody had babies or moved coast. It was several stories later until Heidi finally dosed off. Blair got up as Nate's voice trailed off mid sentence. Outside in the hall Blair pulled the door so as a crack of light would still shine through. Nate waited awkwardly as she adjusted the door and then she turned and walked towards their sitting room; Nate followed.

Nothing had changed he'd been gone for three months and Blair had been back for four weeks and it was all the same. He sat down first and Blair sat at the opposite end of the sofa.

"I'm really sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it," Nate broke the silence. Sure Serena was the reason he'd come back to New York, but he couldn't help but think what if it had been Blair that had dashed across three lanes of traffic to get a cab?

Blair didn't say anything so he continued.

"I should have stopped you, or maybe just come with you. But that girl kissed me and I pushed her away and told her-"

"Nate I said I needed to talk to you," Blair cut him off before he could bring up anymore bad memories.

"Sorry, I just thought…" He paused, unsure what he'd thought. She obviously wasn't here for make up sex, but he didn't want her to go. When she didn't cut to the chase he just said it, "I love you Blair, I always have and I always will."

She looked him straight in the eyes and nodded. "I need to tell you something."

"Something?"

She fidgeted slightly and stopped looking into his eyes; she took a deep breath but didn't say anything. Nate reached out and took her hand, shuffling slightly closer. He squeezed her hand, he knew Blair was worried about Serena and maybe she was trying to express it. He knew she had feelings; most people didn't realize this.

She was starring at their hands, intertwining their fingers subconsciously.

"I'm- I'm sort of pregnant," she whispered and her eyes flicked up from their hands to catch his expression.

"Pregnant?" Nate asked as if confused.

"Yes, you know it's the thing that happens when you get drunk and don't think first," Blair snapped, tearing her hand from his and getting to her feet. She walked to the window and looked down on the streets of Manhattan hugging herself with her arms, trying desperately not to cry.

"As in we're having a baby?" Nate asked as if trying to clarify the situation. He got to his feet and was standing behind Blair… Blair wanted to snap at him, but the way he'd said 'we' stopped her. He'd said it as if there was no option; it was either all or nothing.

"I guess so," she whispered quietly.

They stood for several moments in silence, it felt painfully long to Blair and then she felt Nate envelop her in a warm hug that smelt distinctively familiar. She liked Nate's smell and she turned her body into his so she could hide her face in his shirt and breath in Nate. "I'm going to be here for you, no matter what. I promise."

Blair lifted her head and looked into his eyes seriously and then he smiled at her. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Nate bent down to kiss her and she let herself go weak in his arms. He cradled her gently, running his fingers' through her hair.

Everything was running through Blair's head, she opened her mouth, about to tell him about last week but then she burst into tears and he only hugged her closer and reassured her some more that he loved her. She thought about pulling away and telling him everything, about what she had nearly done, but she didn't. Instead they shared a passionate kiss and she wiped the remorse from her mind. There was no reason he needed to know; she hadn't done it and they were back together just like before.

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**A/N: Please review. Again thank you so much to everybody that did before and I hope I didn't take too long to update; but anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm usually much, much worse. Now please take a further 30 seconds out of your life and hit the big button. **

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	3. Don't Go To Sleep

**A/N: Sorry it took so long! I want to thank everyone for the amazing reviews and I know I didn't do to well in updating but yeah... I don't really have an excuse other than that I was getting my BN fix by actually _watching it _on the internet (because who watches TV on TV anymore? kudos to Eric) and that may be why this chapter is more DS than BN, there is _almost_ enough BN love going around. I want to also agree with all the reviews that were just BN love, because BN is the best and I hope everyone keeps reading... and reviewing! Thank you so much and I hope this meets with your approval!**

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_Talk to myself again, all alone, on my own  
Walk by the scene again, just to see what people see  
Caught in your stubborn hold, and I'm so far from home  
__  
So turn the lights on, turn the lights on  
Turn the lights on for me  
Keep the lights on, keep the lights on  
Keep the lights on for me_

Don't go to sleep

_Lost in your thoughts again, consciously you think of me  
Focus your perfect words with a pen you write me in  
__I can't be reached, so far from here, I need you near._

* * *

"She's so oblivious," Nate said as he and Blair watched Heidi at the play park.

"She's only five, she doesn't get it," Blair dismissed sliding her hand into his. "Now, are you sure?" She asked turning the conversation back to the more pressing issue.

"Blair, I've told you I'm sure about a million times. We both agreed that we're happier here." Nate sighed smiling at her. She bit her lip; she wanted him to move back to New York with her more than anything and for herself, him and their baby to live happily ever after, but she just wasn't convinced it was what was going to happen.

"What if they say at work that-"

Nate took her face in his hands: "I promise that no matter what they say you, me and our baby will all be living here and I won't commute or make us move, I'll always be here." Nate put his hand protectively on her stomach Blair felt herself mellow and she smiled adoringly up at him, placing her hand over his.

"Really?" She asked in an innocently juvenile voice.

"Really." Nate nodded. "Now, don't you have to go and see Dan and drag him to this dinner?"

"Oh yes, you're right." Blair nodded glancing at her Cartier wrist watch. She turned and then turned back. "I love you."

"I love you too, now go!" Nate smiled as Blair left the park smiling.

* * *

Dan sat silently in the same frozen position he'd been in for hours. His skin was grey and papery and he barely looked alive. Serena lay on the hospital bed, as pale as the sheets, but still looking more lively than Dan. Blair flounced into the room rather perkily and Dan screwed up his eyes as she flicked the light switch on. "You do know it's, like, 11am?" Dan just watched as she opened the blinds and perched on the edge of the spare chair. "I thought I'd drop by with some coffee." She handed it to him. "Although you look like you're more in need of a shower."

"Thanks," Dan said sarcastically slurping the coffee.

"I'm just saying that when Serena wakes up does she really want to be covered in dandruff?"

"I don't have dandruff." Dan stated quietly as he continued to slurp at his coffee.

"I wouldn't normally point it out, but, yeah, you do."

"You wouldn't normally be this chirpy either. What's up?" Dan asked curiously, but all the time his barely open bleary eyes were fixed on Serena.

"Oh nothing." Blair paused, but Dan didn't ask and she sighed. "Are you coming for dinner tonight?"

"What?"

"Remember your daughter? Heidi? Like that tall, blond, looks kinda like Serena?"

"Shut up," Dan rubbed his eyes, he felt bad about leaving Heidi with Blair all this time. "I just have to be here for Serena; and I want to look after Heidi; I just… she's safe and Serena's not."

"But she misses you, and you did say you'd come."

"Blair; I have to be here if something happens."

"Whatever," Blair's good mood melted and she stood up and left Dan alone in the hospital room with Serena.

* * *

Several hours later Blair reappeared and Dan jerked awake as she chucked a clean shirt and pair of pants at him. "I promised Heidi you'd be at dinner. She's already home from Kindergarten. I want you to shower and put them on."

"But I-"

"And I promised Heidi. Come on Dan," Blair tugged his arm. Dan reluctantly got up and headed into the visitors bathroom.

* * *

"Heidi!" Blair called as she pushed Dan out of the elevator when it arrived at the penthouse. "Look who's here!" Blair continued to push Dan in the direction of the living room as Heidi came running out. Dan double took. She was wearing a cute little blue dress with a bow around the middle, white two tone Chanel tights and a headband with an outsized flower on it. Just over a week and here he was facing Blair's handiwork; apparently she was that manipulative. Serena and Dan usually just dressed Heidi in what would be considered casual/practical clothes by most people; but what Blair would consider the sort of clothes one would take camping or wear in case of a natural disaster. Dan picked her up as she hugged him. She giggled happily as Dan carried her into Blair's sitting room where he was confronted with Nate tidying away an afternoon of frivolous coloring.

"Nate." Dan said almost in shock. Blair then appeared at Nate's side and kissed his cheek and Dan suddenly pretended that nothing had changed. He was used to it. Blair and Nate were temperamental to say the least.

Heidi dragged Dan over to where Blair seemed to have dedicated a corner of the sitting room to her and began to show him all the new things she'd acquired from staying with Blair. Dan didn't know they made that many clothes at _that_ price for five-year-olds. He listened intently as Heidi began to talk him through the story of the new Cabbage Patch Kid and when he turned his head he noticed Blair and Nate had slipped out of the room. He appreciated it; he knew they loved Heidi too, but it made him feel bad that he'd missed so much and they'd been with her all this time and that she barely seemed to have noticed he and Serena weren't there.

After dinner; Blair, Nate and Dan sat chatting in the sitting room whilst Heidi combed out the hair of her newest Barbie, which had its very own Eleanor Original. Although Dan had by no means forgotten about Serena, he had loosened up a little and when Heidi crawled onto his knee and gently fell asleep he turned to Blair: "I think I will take her home tonight."

"It's been great having her," Blair smiled. "In a way," she added hastily realizing how un-Blair she had just sounded.

"Who knew Blair Waldorf had a heart?" Nate joked and she jabbed him hard in the ribs and he laughed. Dan smiled; they really were meant to be.

Blair left Nate with Dan and Heidi and went to pack up Heidi's things from her temporary bedroom. She took her time folding everything neatly into the holdall, which actually belonged to Lily. Heidi appeared at her side as she began trying to wedge all of Heidi's ballet flats into the sides. She stretched her arms out and Blair obligingly bent down and hugged her. "Bye bye," Heidi said sweetly and Blair pulled away and kissed her forehead.

"Bye bye."

"I can come back Nate said and stay with you and Nate?" Heidi asked hopefully.

"Yeah, that's great, whenever you want." Blair smiled and Heidi hugged her again with her little sticky hands. Blair had contemplated many things over her week with Heidi; namely could she actually ever love her own baby. She'd concluded that it was possible, although she was pretty sure no child of her own would ever be as sticky or bed wet as much as Heidi. Although, would she really care? Two weeks ago she would have shrunk away if Heidi had tried to hug her and would have taken her to wash her hands while Serena wasn't looking, but now she didn't mind because Heidi had managed to melt a tiny tiny part of Blair's little frozen heart.

"I'll miss you sweetie," Blair hugged her tight and lifted her to her hip and picked up the holdall.

"I'll miss you too," Heidi smiled shyly.

* * *

The next day Blair sat at Serena's bedside, chatting nonchalantly as if Serena could hear her. She nodded a lot in the awkward pauses where it would have been appropriate for Serena to say something. She told her about Dan taking Heidi home at last; she neglected to mention how much Heidi had grown on her. She told her about how she and Nate had reconciled, again, but this time was different she reassured her friend. Blair looked back at her; she still hadn't moved and even breathed on her own. Blair sighed. Why couldn't she just wake up?

"I need to go," Blair stood up and squeezed Serena's hand. "Nate said he would come by later." She paused as she let go of her best friend's hand. "Please wake up S," she whispered quietly before leaving.

* * *

Today was the first day Dan hadn't spent holding his solitary vigil by Serena's bedside. He had to go into work to explain that he was ready to come back on a part-time basis temporarily. He took Heidi with him, because he should have just sucked up and taken her that day and then he and Serena wouldn't have rowed and maybe she'd have thought before she ran across the road. Who was he kidding? It was pure luck that Serena had never been hit before, she wasn't exactly safety conscious. Heidi smiled at his editor in a borderline creepy way while Dan explained why he hadn't called or picked up any assignments.

"It's cool," the editor assured him. "Although I'd appreciate a call or e-mail in the future."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I was- I don't know- all over the place." Dan tried to explain. The editor nodded.

"There's probably still and assignment pinned for you."

"Thanks." Dan turned to leave his office holding Heidi's hand.

"Oh and I hope- you know." The editor looked at Heidi for a fraction of a second.

"Thanks," Dan nodded again and left.

Heidi swung his hand as they left the office and walked down the street. Dan smiled at her as she skipped by his side. "So you had fun at Blair's?"

"Yes," she nodded beginning to hop, skip and jump with a look of concentration on her face. She jumped and then grabbed Dan's hand again. "Blair's house is fun."

"Is our house not?"

"Our house is more fun with mommy." Heidi said dejectedly. Dan stopped, worried he was about to put his foot in it. This was why he'd been reluctant to take Heidi home from Blair's. He knew at Blair's there was nothing wrong with Serena other than that she wasn't there, she wasn't supposed to be there; Blair's house didn't feel empty. Whereas at the van der Humphrey residence there was a distinct lack of Serena and it didn't feel as if she was in hospital; it felt as if something was over. Although at the same time Dan could see that Blair and Nate were back in their totally blissed out world where someone else's child doesn't really fit. "Will mommy come back soon?"

"Maybe," Dan mumbled and Heidi looked up at him but didn't question him any further.

They arrived at the play park that had become Heidi's favorite, it was only a couple of blocks from Blair's apartment in one direction and their own in the other. Heidi swung her legs wildly as Dan pushed her on the swing as high as seemed safe and then before he could stop her she jumped and flew through the air for what seemed like an age and landed rather cat-like. Dan could have sworn his heart stopped beating as she flew in mid air and land perfectly. She stood up and laughed. Dan regained his breath; she really was a mini-Serena. "Heidi!" He called out trying to look stern and failing. She just grinned and bounded off towards the slide.

Dan retreated to the park benches where all the UES nannies were sitting. He'd never really understood people who just paid other people to wash their clothes, cook their food and love their children. Why couldn't they do it themselves? He supposed it was just a vicious cycle, which Serena was lucky to avoid. He stood watching Heidi as she pushed past boys three years older than her and scrambled for a turn on the slide. He watched as one of the boys tried to pull her back, but she ignored him. Dan's cell phone vibrated in his pocket and he tore his eyes from Heidi to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hello Mr Humphrey, this is Sophie Wells, the nurse from Ms van der Woodsen's ward at Lennox Hill."

"Yes?" Dan asked desperate to know why she was calling, he'd grown to know all of the nurses in the ward very well over the past week. He couldn't tell by her tone, he knew it was either very bad or very good.

"Serena has woken up; she's still very drowsy but we thought you would want to know."

Dan froze. Hadn't he told Blair? Had he not said that the instant he left Serena's bedside something would happen? He was already exiting Central Park onto Fifth Avenue before he began to feel guilty. Just one more day and he would have seen her wake up and she would know how much he cared.

* * *

He didn't try hailing a cab; he had to make up with Serena. He had to tell her he was sorry and that he'd never ever row with her ever again. He sprinted through the front doors and raced to the all too familiar room. Serena was sitting propped up wearing a fresh white gown and her hair was still retaining its natural glow.

She was alone. He stopped outside. She looked a little spaced out. He pushed the door open and she turned her head. "Dan?" She asked as if trying to sort everything out in her mind.

He rushed to her side. "It's me." He hugged her and she buried her head in his arms.

* * *

**A/N: Again apologies for the lack of BN in this chapter. I plan for the next chapter to be mostly BN (because they rock). I hope you liked being thrown into another fandom, please don't give up on me and review just for the fun of it... xoxo**


	4. Why do you put me on a Pedestal?

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews; I hope this chapter was quicker and I hope it's better than the last in terms of BN. Between now and early June I will only make one update on this story because I have finals; please don't loose hope on my story! Please read and review!**

_

* * *

_

I never promised you a ray of light,  
_I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,  
__I gave you everything I had; the good; the bad. _

_Why do you put me on a pedestal?  
__I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,  
__So help me down, you got it wrong,  
__I don't belong there. _

* * *

"Have you seen Blair?" Serena asked as Dan broke away from their embrace.

"Blair?"

"Yes."

"Uh well yeah, you were in a coma for a while and everything," Dan skated over the truth concerning why he had seen so much of Blair.

"Is she OK?"

"She's back with Nate," Dan smiled placidly.

"And she told him?" Serena asked without thinking.

"Told him?" Dan paused and Serena realized that Dan didn't know, "I think they both just apologized." He continued assuming Serena was referring to an apology or reconciliation of some sort.

"That's good," Serena smiled placidly, but before she could say anything Blair appeared with hot angry tears on her face and Heidi on her hip.

"Dan! What the fuck!" She shouted angrily.

"Blair!" Serena exclaimed at Blair's outburst in front of her daughter.

"He left her! He left her in the park and it was a nanny that brought her to me because she didn't know where you'd gone and Heidi was crying!" Dan suddenly realized that he'd been so eager to get to Serena that he'd compromised Heidi. Serena was glaring at him too.

"I- I'm sorry Heidi," Dan took her into his arms from Blair and hugged her close. Heidi hugged him briefly and then began struggling to get to Serena.

Blair had called Nate, but after an hour he still hadn't shown up. Lily was fawning over her daughter and trying to make everyone stay back so as they didn't hurt her; she was even reluctant to let Heidi sit on the bed, but Serena pulled Heidi up beside her to cuddle together. Blair was beginning to feel out of place, she excused herself to call Nate again, but he wasn't answering. So she left a frustrated voicemail.

* * *

When visiting hours ended, Dan and Lily both protested, but Serena insisted that the nurse was right; she was tired and she wanted Dan to take Heidi home anyway. Blair smirked at Dan as she listened to her friend reprimand him. She hung back slightly as Dan and Lily left with Heidi.

"Thanks S," she hugged her best friend and Serena smiled, but winced.

"Dan said you and Nate are back together," Serena smiled as Blair pulled away gently. "I'm glad."

"You were right S, he understood everything," Blair's tried to stop any tears falling from her eyes as she remembered what she had feared and what she had almost done.

"So you've talked?"

"We've done nothing but talk, I think he's excited too," Blair smiled happily and sniffed to try to clear her eyes.

"I'm happy for you B," Serena smiled genuinely. Blair hugged her one more time before she made her hurried exit.

* * *

Nate had been in Southampton all day, working on a surprise for Blair. He had figured that Blair would most likely want to control every detail of their baby's nursery at home, white, off white, yellow-y white; or whatever she wanted. But Nate had decided to take it upon himself to surprise her when they went to Southampton for summer in a few weeks. He'd been sneaking away to find baby furniture, safety fixtures, little toys, diapers, white and yellow cashmere blankets and he'd thought about buying outfits, but it occurred to him that the baby would be five months by the time of their first visit to Southampton as a family, and in those five months it would probably have accumulated more clothes than him, and Blair would have ditched the whole 'neutral dressing' thing. He'd enlisted the help of an interior designer in the area and she had helped him put together the most wonderful white and gold nursery which he couldn't help but feel Blair herself, would even be impressed by. He'd done a lot of the work himself though; he'd even set out three gilt photo frames with little giraffes on them, which were ready to be filled with pictures he would take of Blair and his baby at the poolside, on the beach, at the white party or where ever else felt like a photo opportunity.

He'd answered Blair's call and had immediately replied that he was at work. Then he heard that Serena had come round and he realized he was a good two hour drive from Manhattan, and it was weekday traffic, which made it more like three. He'd done his best though, but by the time he arrived on Serena's ward visiting hours were over. He managed to sweet talk his way around the nurse to just peek through the door at Serena and she had agreed.

Serena, however, spotted him at the door and gestured for him to come in and he had obliged. "How are you feeling?" He asked immediately.

"I'm good, a bit nauseated, but good."

Nate smiled goofily. "Sorry I was a while, I came as fast as I could."

"Where were you, California?" She asked mockingly.

"Actually- I was in Southampton," Nate ruffled his hair awkwardly. It was an old habit of his when he felt self conscious.

"Whoa, how long was I in a coma for? I thought there were another few weeks?"

"There are, but I've-" He paused and thought for a moment, "we've not told anyone yet, so you need to act surprised when Blair tells you, but she's pregnant." Nate paused expecting a 'congratulations!' or a 'no way!' but Serena just smiled and nodded.

"Actually Blair told me,"

"Oh, well, we were waiting to tell people, you know for a few more weeks - wait did she tell everyone this afternoon?"

"No, she told me when she was going to have the abortion, she just needed someone to talk to," Serena's voice trailed away as she saw the look on Nate's face. He didn't know. Blair had said they'd talked everything through, but they hadn't. "Nate," she said softly. He didn't move. "Natie?"

"Abortion?" He said very quietly. "But…" he stopped, unsure what was happening.

"But she didn't Nate, she didn't." Serena tried to reassure him.

"Why?"

"Why? Well she decided she wanted to keep the baby, she called me after she changed her-"

"I don't care!" Nate shouted at her completely uncharacteristically. "I don't care if she called you! Why didn't she call me?" Nate's voice shook. "It's my baby."

"She was scared Nate, you were a billion miles away," Serena tried to reason.

"But I love her, how could she?" Nate was beginning to despair.

"She just wasn't herself Nate, she was frightened and alone and she'd just come back to the city and there was nobody except me."

"You knew she was about to kill my baby and you didn't even think to tell me? I can't believe you knew and you were going to let her-" Nate turned and ignored Serena's desperate scrape at an apology as he left the room.

During the elevator ride down to street level all the dreams and fantasies of the gold and white nursery fled his mind. He couldn't believe Blair and her lies. How could she have thought for a moment that he didn't have a right to know? How could she have even contemplated killing something that was a part of both of them?

Maybe they hadn't been planning it; they hadn't even talked much about it. There had been times when they'd lain curled up together, talking about the wedding plans, which were on permanent hold, and this and that, children had come up. They'd discussed how many, boy or girl and genetics. Blair wanted them all to have Nate's green eyes and she wanted a boy, her very own mini-Nate and a girl too, only not as sticky as Heidi. Nate on the other hand only wanted girls - like Blair, he didn't care what they looked like, he just knew that he didn't want to screw his son up in the same way he'd screwed his own life up. But whenever they'd talked about it, it had been a far off distant future, unlike Dan and Serena's 'early-arrival,' as people called her. Blair was still on birth control, but he didn't know the lengths she would go to to make things the way they'd planned.

Nate didn't go home, he couldn't. Instead he found himself back on the dark road in his midnight-blue Mercedes driving back towards Southampton.

* * *

Blair, however, was at home. Sitting worriedly with her phone pressed to her ear. Continually she heard Nate's voice telling her to leave a message. She didn't, she was worried now. Where was he? She threw her phone down and decided to go to his office. The yellow cab got there in no time, the traffic was quiet as night fell and it wasn't that far. It was also empty. She stood on the dark sidewalk confused. Then it hit her, of course he would be visiting Serena, he had to work late and then he'd gone straight to Lennox Hill and his phone was probably switched off to obey the hospital rules. She hailed another cab and told him where to go.

The nurse refused to allow her onto the ward and insisted Blair go home and see Serena tomorrow. Blair won the battle and she got to see Serena, who was alone. "Did Nate just leave?" Blair asked desperately.

"Uh, a couple of hours ago," Serena said.

"He's not come home, I don't understand, he's not answering his cell phone either."

"Blair," Serena said carefully, "You know how you said that you'd told him everything?" Blair nodded. "I may have let slip that you nearly had an abortion because I thought he knew and he got mad."

Blair froze, trying to remain composed.

"You should have told him," Serena said as a tear trickled down Blair's cheek.

"Do you know where he went?" Blair asked wiping her tears away.

"No, I thought home," Serena mumbled and then she thought, "wait, he said he'd come from Southampton."

"Southampton?" Blair repeated confused and Serena nodded.

* * *

It was 2am before Blair's car pulled up in front of their home on First Neck Lane in Southampton. Sure enough Nate's midnight blue Mercedes was parked on the drive too. Blair hopped out. She couldn't see any lights on, but all of the bedrooms were south facing - at the back of the house. Blair entered quietly and sure enough there was no alarm system on. She locked the door behind her and made for her and Nate's room.

She reached it and realized that the only light in the corridor was coming from the bedroom adjacent to their's. She knocked softly and pushed the door open. She gasped as she saw, what had previously been a white-washed second bedroom, the most perfect nursery their baby could ever have wished for. Nate looked at her stonily from beside the crib he was still restlessly building. "Did you do all of this?" She asked in amazement. Nate didn't say anything and turned back to the crib and Blair suddenly remembered why she'd had to chase him the whole way to Southampton in the middle of the night.

She sank to her knees beside him. "I'm sorry, but you don't understand."

"Then let me. You turned to Serena and told her about my baby; instead of coming to me, I would have been there for you Blair."

"I'm sorry I even thought about it," Blair whispered. "Are you mad?"

"I'm not mad that you wanted to have an abortion; I'm mad that you didn't tell me, but you told Serena."

"I thought you'd make me change my mind," she said quietly. There was a silence, Nate pulled her close to him and they sat together on the floor, her head resting against his chest.

"So what did make you change your mind?" He asked, not really sure if she would tell him.

"I- I knew you'd never forgive me if I did it and I guess a small part of me knew we weren't over and I couldn't do it anyway. So I left the clinic and I was on my way back to the apartment and I called Serena and then she said she was coming over and I went home and then Dan called and Serena was in hospital." Blair recited what had happened trying to think about it and then trailed off towards the end of her sentence. "Then I had to look after Heidi and I realized I didn't want to hurt our baby and then you showed up and everything got confusing."

Nate kissed the top of her head as she wiped away the few angry tears. "I'm glad you didn't."

"Me too."

"So do you like the nursery?"

"I love it," Blair sniffed, she stopped herself from commenting on the layer of dust on the floor and instead just let him hold her.

* * *

**A/N: Please review, anyone who writes knows how much reviews mean, they actually do make my day and I have finals coming up so I need affirmation! XD please?**


	5. The Most Natural Thing

**A/N****: Sorry this has been such a long update I think I was suffering a kind of block; if there's any one shots people want to see I will atempt them to see if it helps me move on from tha block at all. I will do my best to finish this story by Labor Day. I don't really want to drag it into next "year" if you get what I mean. I also hope everyone doesn't hate me for this chapter I'm sorry (I don't ship this pairing either) it just happened. **

**

* * *

**

_We've been waiting all out lives,  
For things we've always had,  
But have no eyes to see,  
Something new is going to happen,  
The most natural thing,  
But nothing we'd expect._

_

* * *

  
_

"It will be fine I promise," Serena kissed Dan's cheek reassuringly and he looked at her doubtfully. "I'll call my mom; she said she'd pay off our mortgage if we only ask and then we'll have money to sort this out," Serena gestured to the medical bills, Kindergarten fees and the credit card notices lying on the mail table.

"I don't want to ask you mom," Dan said like a stubborn toddler dropping another bill on top of the pile and pulling his jacket on.

"Well the stocks aren't coming back; it was just a bad investment-"

"A bad investment? No Serena this wasn't a bad investment this was a complete shambles!" Dan's voice began to rise and he tried to regain himself quickly but Serena was being completely impractical about this. "I'll think about it; don't speak to you mom." Dan began to leave the apartment.

"Aren't you even going to say goodbye?" Serena didn't mean to sound sour but it sounded spiteful.

"Bye." Dan said flatly.

* * *

"And then he just left," Serena told her best friend outragedly over lunch.

"Well didn't I tell you so?" Blair arched her eyebrows.

"What?"

"I told you that Dan needed a proper job and not just all that freelance nonsense. You've got to think seriously Serena; it's not just you and Dan you've got Heidi too," Blair indicated the pre-schooler sitting coloring next to them.

"But I don't see his objection-"

"What do you mean?" Blair looked at her surprised. "Asking your parents for financial help is like admitting you've failed."

Serena sighed at Blair's pronouncement; she was right. She was always right. "Maybe we have failed," Serena sighed again crumpling her forehead. Blair only cocked her eyebrow in response. Her hand was resting on her steadily growing bump. "So how's everything?" Serena asked indicating the bump.

"Fine," Blair's face twitched into an excited smile.

"When's it due again?"

"Twelve weeks," Blair gushed. "Nate's been so amazing he's got nearly everything ready; you know he even said he'd come to the ante-natal class with me next week."

"Um, isn't he supposed to go every week?" Serena asked in confusion. Blair sipped the straw of her diet coke thoughtfully.

"Yeah- but it's in the middle of the day so he can't really make it." Blair waved the fact aside. Serena nodded slightly confused but let it slide.

Serena remembered her own ante-natal classes - getting Dan there had been a weekly struggle. She hadn't learnt much it was still painful. However Serena presumed Blair was one of the people that ardently took notes as the hippie-mother-of-seven-teacher went on and on about "natural breaths" and "body awareness" and actually believed that a pain-free birth was possible if you stuck to the advice.

Serena's musings were interrupted by Heidi's whine that she needed the toilet. Serena downed the dregs of her glass of rose wine. "Come on," Serena said getting to her feet and stretching her hand to Heidi. Heidi's eyes widened at Serena and she stretched her own hand out to Blair who was quite taken aback.

"I want Blair," Heidi said pleadingly. Serena took her seat again and Blair got to her feet taking Heidi's hand and without so much as a glance backwards as they walked through the restaurant with her to the bathrooms.

Serena scowled since when had the world turned against her? What was with Blair? Not only had she not taken Serena's side in the Dan-Serena quarrel but she'd actually made Serena see that Dan was right. And since when did _her_ daughter chose Blair over her? Since when did _anyone_ chose Blair over her? Blair hated kids, she was practically allergic to them. Well at least Serena wasn't fat; that was one thing she had over Blair right now.

Blair and Heidi arrived back from the bathrooms giggling and Serena put on a fake smile to make it seem as if she hadn't just been sitting there brooding. "I should really get going," Blair said. "My mom's flying in and she wants to drive up to see the nursery in the Hamptons today." Blair looked excited and Serena twitched her fake smile wider.

"Well, I'll catch up with you later," Serena said getting to her feet to hug her heavily pregnant friend.

"OK," Blair hugged her back; "Bye Heidi," Blair waved and Heidi giggled and waved back as Blair began to exit. Serena watched through the restaurant windows as Blair hailed a cab and clambered in. As she and Heidi waited on the cheque Serena realized Blair had left her handbag behind.

"Silly Blair," Serena sighed and Heidi giggled.

"Can we go to Blair's house to give it back?" Heidi asked hopefully.

"Later, we need to go to school remember?" Serena asked and Heidi nodded. It was mother-daughter afternoon at Constance for all of the girls that were planning on starting first grade at the prep school. Heidi had barely stopped talking about starting first grade for months and Serena herself felt a little sad that her baby was going to be gone all day everyday and Blair and Nate would be too busy with her new little one and Dan would be working his ass off to make enough money to sort out their mini crisis. It sounded kind of lonely.

* * *

Serena sat with Heidi in her lap as they flipped through the Constance prospectus together. "Do I have to wear the funny blouse?" Heidi scrunched her nose up.

"Well, yes," Serena tickled her. "You'll suit it once you have the blue tunic too."

"Blair said tunics were ugly."

"Well don't listen to Blair," Serena dismissed.

"Why not?" Heidi's eyes widened.

"Blair used to have to wear the blouse and tunic too."

"Did she go to Constance?" Heidi's eyes widened in admiration as she stared at the glossy pages of the prospectus as Serena nodded.

A soft knock came at the library door. Dan stood there looking a little awkward with a bunch of red roses in his hand. "Hey," he whispered as Serena smiled at him."Heidi, why don't you go find your hairbrush; there are more knots in your hair than in a ball of yarn." Heidi jumped happily from Serena's lap and went to find her brush.

Serena couldn't bare the awkwardness and hugged Dan quickly. "I'm really sorry about this morning," she shoved her hands into the back pockets of her jeans awkwardly.

"I'm really-" they both began. Dan gestured for Serena to continue.

"I get where you're coming from and I'm sorry that I didn't want to try and make things work with us. I know that it's not right to go running to my mom every time but I just thought that right now everything's been so up in the air-"

"Hey, hey it's OK." Dan put his arm around her. "I know that it's not been the best because I cut back a bit to help you get better and lost a lot of work. But I applied for a new job today."

"Really that's great," Serena beamed genuinely.

"Yeah; I guess - it's in Tampa." Dan dropped the bombshell and Serena stared at him.

"Tampa?" Dan nodded. "As in Florida?" Serena couldn't quite believe this.

"It's all I could find that didn't involve freelancing," Dan shrugged. "I might not get it."

"Let's hope not." Before Dan could ask what that meant Heidi had appeared with her hair brush.

"Found it!"

"I need to go and see Blair to give her purse back," Serena addressed Heidi rather than Dan. "Daddy will brush your hair."

"Can't I come to Blair and Nate's. Nate doesn't hurt when he brushes my hair." Heidi pouted but Serena was already out of the room.

* * *

"Nate! You said you'd pick them up!" Blair whined.

"I did pick them up, see?" Nate indicated the flowers Blair was holding which she'd ordered him to pick up at the florist for her mother.

"I see them Nate; they're not what I told you to get. I said white. These are blue. Blue flowers are for bar-mitzvahs and 4th of July." The flowers in Blair's hand were white with Blue tints at the edges and this was what she was objecting to.

"What did you want me to not accept them?" Nate asked in confusion. "Then you would have been really mad because there wouldn't be any flowers." Nate rolled his eyes and Blair looked hurt.

"I just want it to be perfect." Blair said briskly trying not to sound hurt.

"Well that was as near to perfect that the florist could get and it is your favorite florist." Nate was irritated and Blair didn't want him to get infuriated at her perfectionism so she said the flowers would do and left the apartment quickly.

* * *

"Hey," Serena smiled genuinely when she saw Nate as the elevator doors opened.

"Hey," he embraced her in relief that it wasn't Blair home to shout at him for something else.

"Blair left her purse at lunch and I thought I'd bring it round," Serena held the purse out and Nate took it from her.

"She's out actually," he put the purse on the nightstand and Serena felt the calm that emanated from their apartment's cool interior. "Do you want to stay a while," Nate offered sensing Serena's reluctance to leave.

"Um yeah sure," Serena agreed. Nate grinned and she followed him into the apartment.

Serena sipped the glass of wine which Nate had produced. "So how's life?" Nate asked sinking next to her on the couch. Serena just shrugged and Nate nodded. "Is it Dan?"

"Kind of," Serena didn't really want to get into it with Nate, but then again he usually had pretty sound relationship advice. "He's applied for a job in Florida." Serena sighed and Nate starred at her in alarm.

"Florida?"

"Yeah." Serena fiddled with the stem of the wine glass. "He decided he needed a real job. I guess it's kind of hard because he hasn't had any real jobs since - well you know- and he doesn't want to freelance anymore because he lost all of his regular pieces," Serena sighed and Nate rubbed her arm reassuringly. "I'm not moving to Florida." Nate grinned at her defiance. "I know he's trying to help but I don't understand why he won't just let me get on with my life. I'm fine now; I have been for months and he still thinks I should wait until I do anything that involves commitment."

"Yeah Blair said you hadn't gone back to the Whitney or Little Hearts yet," Nate mused. Dan had discouraged Serena from throwing herself back into everything and she kind of just wanted him to let her go. She didn't like the feeling of being so tied down. Especially now everything was so in perspective.

If she had died when she was asleep would she have been able to look back and feel satisfied? She had a husband and a little girl and that was her life. There was nothing more to the infamous Serena van der Woodsen. It wasn't how she'd ever seen her life going. Without the Dan part, it was probably how she saw Blair's life when they were younger. Serena had never seen herself as being so fixed to something and she wasn't sure if she could really do it much longer.

"So how about with you? How's work?" Serena asked musingly.

"A welcomed escape from Blair if I'm honest," Nate smirked a little and ruffled his hair.

"It's just hormones," Serena reassured him gulping a mouthful of wine.

"It's all different. We've not had a fight in ages; we've probably never been this long without shouting at each other."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Serena asked perplexed.

"Well I guess; but she's driving me insane. She just wants everything to be perfect and all go exactly as she's planned it but there's no way she can control things once the baby's here. I can't really tell her that but I know that when everything starts sliding we're going to spend our lives arguing."

"But that's what you guys do," Serena pointed out. "Like you said it's weird that you haven't fought in a while."

"I guess. I just don't think we're really ready for a baby." Nate said it quietly. Serena looked at him and their eyes met for a long time. Serena understood exactly what he meant. They were both commitment phobic, wouldn't that make for a beautiful marriage?

Nate broke their gaze and fixed his eyes on the ground. "I do love Blair." Serena nodded slowly and Nate saw the fleeting emotion that crossed her face. He wrapped his arm around her. "Everything will work out." Serena wasn't consoled. "You're Serena van der Woodsen. It always works out." He kissed her cheek fleetingly and then she turned her head and caught his lips in a kiss that he could barely remember. She captured his lips completely in her warmth and made his heart burn. His hands entangled themselves in her long golden hair and pulled her arched back a little closer to him.

Serena's delicately long fingers were fumbling with Nate's top button on his shirt when he pulled away and stood up. Serena felt her cheeks burn as Nate said no and shook his head. Serena cast her eyes down the way and Nate saw the same emotion on her face. He didn't know whether to console her to ask her to leave. "I won't tell Dan." He promised and Serena nodded gratefully.

"Thank you. I do love him you know."

"I know." Nate nodded. "You guys will work this out."

Just then the elevator ding ran through the apartment and Blair appeared looking a lot calmer than she had when she left. Nate embraced her and kissed the top of her head. Serena felt a slight pang that had nothing to do with the undying love she'd just proclaimed for Dan.

"I just came to drop your purse off," Serena said in a fake chirpy voice.

"Oh thanks," Blair smiled as she and Nate sat together on a separate sofa from where Nate and Serena had just kissed.

* * *

**A/N****: If anyone thinks this story is going down hill please say because I'm kind of getting that feeling myself. PLEASE REVIEW GOOD OR BAD! I know this was quite short... but read above A/N.**


	6. We End up Hurting the Worst

**A/N:**** Merry (belated) Christmas! So I was allowed home for the holiday period under very strict rules but anyway I was able to pick this back up where I started and I hope to write some more before I have to go back to the unit. This chapter is for Sophie who didn't get to go home for the holidays and who is my newest best friend. Stay strong sweetie xx. **

* * *

_Do you remember when we were just kids  
And cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss  
Schoolyard conversations taken to heart  
And laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not_

__

I wanna break every clock  
The hands of time could never move again  
We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)  
For the rest of our lives  
Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now

I wanna be your last, first kiss  
That you'll ever have  
I wanna be your last, first kiss

_Amazing how life turns out the way that it does  
We end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really love_

* * *

"But I re-scheduled the appointment. You said that you could definitely make the fifteenth." Blair complained as they sat drinking coffee and eating croissants together in their apartment on the morning of the fifteenth.

"You can't schedule everything perfectly. This is a really important venture. I've got to be there for this pitch." Nate insisted brushing Blair's complaints off. He didn't want to go to the appointment. He couldn't help it that he wasn't quite as excited as Blair was. They'd been slightly distant since last week when Serena had come round to drop the purse off and Nate still felt guilty but he didn't feel any remorse.

"You said that you wanted to come to this appointment. It's the important one; the ultrasound will be more defined."

"Well you can bring me a print out; can't you?" Nate didn't even meet her eyes this time.

Sure he could put that on his desk to remind people that he was having a baby and that he was missing every single appointment which Blair had so carefully scheduled around all of their stupid board meetings and pitches. Blair glared at him bitterly but restrained herself from spitting out what was on her mind.

"I could see if I could push the appointment back?" She said quietly.

"I don't know how long the pitch is." Nate said flatly.

"Do you just not care?" Blair finally snapped.

"Of course I care." Nate got to his feet and briefly kissed Blair's cheek. Neither of them were smiling. He disappeared and their maid began clearing away his coffee. Blair got to her feet too and he reappeared with his coat on.

"I'll see you when I get home, OK?" He kissed her cheek more gently this time and her icy exterior softened a little.

"I'll bring you a print out," she whispered and he nodded.

"I love you," he said quietly without meeting her eyes. She nodded and watched him leave their apartment. He did love her but he couldn't say it and look at her because if he did she would know. She could always tell with him and Serena. She knew them both better than they knew each other and that was most certainly a deterrent.

* * *

Blair sat with her cashmere jumper rolled up and the wet jelly spread across her stomach. She'd heard many women cried when they saw this ultrasound where things as small as fingers and toes were pronounced. She just sort of looked at the screen without really seeing it. Why wasn't Nate here? She felt a little naked alone in the room. She could have called Serena but Serena had enough of her own problems recently.

She saw the baby on the monitor the gynaecologist was looking between Blair's face and the monitor expecting her to burst into tears or at least bite her lip but she didn't. She smiled lamely.

"I guess it's not so cute right now," she grimaced and he laughed a little.

"I'm sure no baby of yours could be anything but cute." She smiled a little in thanks and continued to stare at the screen. She could understand why people cried but she wasn't going to let her guard down without Nate here. She wished he could see their baby's little tiny toes and perfect little nose.

"Would you like to know the sex?"

"Oh sure," Blair nodded.

* * *

Nate wandered in search of the nearest Starbucks. He'd been a sucker for their Chai Lattes since he and his buddies experimented to see if they had any mood enhancing qualities in high-school; they didn't, but they still tasted good. The board meeting had finished earlier than he'd expected and he was contemplating calling their driver to see if Blair was still at the gynaecologist's, he was only a couple of blocks away. He felt a little bad for what he had done this morning, but really how could she expect him to be as excited as her? He wasn't carrying the baby, he didn't get to really be a part of this until it was born and even then Blair would be controlling everything. He had his cell phone in his hand and was scrolling through his contacts when a hand touched his arm.

"Hey," Serena said breathily.

"Oh hi," Nate smiled widely pleased to see her. "What's up?" Serena's cheerful façade immediately crumbled and he took a step back in shook as a tear trickled down her cheek. He reached out and wiped it away and took her face in his hands. "What's wrong Serena?" She looked at him imploringly.

"I think - I think it's really over," she wept and Nate pulled her into a tight hug.

* * *

Blair hadn't taken the car to the appointment. She'd walked because she had time. It was a nice day so she didn't call the car to bring her home either. She planned on heading to Nate's office to leave the envelope of print outs with his secretary, she was trying her best to involve him but he seemed completely disinterested lately. She froze as she began heading in the direction of Nate's office. There was Nate and Serena. There was Nate hugging Serena a little too close. Blair felt herself panicking. Why was Nate hugging her like that? He hadn't hugged Blair like that for weeks.

She starred at them. Why was Nate hugging Serena like that? Why was Nate not at that stupid meeting he seemed to need to go to so urgently? Serena had Dan, why couldn't Dan hug her. Nate was supposed to be with Blair this morning to see the sonogram - not consoling Serena through her picture perfect life.

* * *

Nate pulled back from Serena, but kept his arms around her waist. "It won't be over; you guys are just going through a rough patch."

"He's taken Heidi and they're staying in Brooklyn now," Serena collected herself and then a fresh wave of tears hit. "Even my daughter doesn't want to be with me!" And her own daughter loved Blair more too, Serena couldn't help but feel less than worthless right now. "And I know it's all my fault!" Serena continued weeping.

"Hey, hey it's not your fault," Nate soothed running his fingers through her hair and loving the way that he met several tugs; Blair's hair was always perfect and tug free.

"I've been pushing him further and further away ever since…" she trailed off, "I just don't want to be like this; I'm bored of being a wife and a mom and doing the same things all the time, but I don't know what I'd do without them!"

"You won't be without them for long; I promise." Nate kissed her forehead lightly.

* * *

Nate arrived home later than usual; Blair had decided to pretend that what she'd seen that day hadn't happened. Nate was in love with her and they were having a baby together and everything would fall into place when she wasn't fat anymore and they had the baby to keep them together. Blair greeted him as though she hadn't seen him in months when he arrived home. He smiled a little and brushed her hair from her face as she pulled away from their embrace. She took his hand and put it on her baby bump.

"How was the pitch?" She asked -ignoring her own scepticism as to the existence of the pitch.

"Fine," Nate shrugged. "How was the appointment?" He asked a little awkwardly. It hadn't been until that afternoon that he'd been hit with the guilty feeling that if something had been wrong he wouldn't have been there.

"Everything's fine," Blair smiled up at him as she rubbed her bump. He couldn't quite meet her blissfully happy eyes as he smiled, relieved.

"Listen Blair, I'm - I'm sorry about this morning. I - I was… well I should have come with you."

Blair nodded as Nate apologized slowly. "I brought you a print out."

* * *

Nate held the photo in his finger tips. "It's so tiny," he marvelled. Blair smiled as she watched him admire their baby.

"She's perfect," Blair cuddled up closer to him on the sofa. "See her tiny little fingers?" Blair stroked the picture gently imagining when those little fingers would be wrapped around her finger.

"Her?"

Blair bit her lip and looked up at him suppressing her smile. She was about to tell him how she was expecting a little girl when suddenly she saw the discord in his eyes.

"You found out?"

"I thought you wanted a girl?" Blair asked confused.

"And I thought we decided not to find out?" Nate pulled away from her.

"We never said that." Blair defended herself.

"You couldn't just leave one thing out of your control could you? You had to go and find out which is was and you did it when I wasn't even there!"

"Stop shouting at me!"

"Why would you go behind my back! Were you even going to tell me?"

"Nate this is stupid; stop making an argument!"

"It's not me; it's you Blair! You're a control freak you always have been and you always will be!" Nate knew he was bang out of line but for some reason he was angry. "I can't deal with this." Nate was at the elevator door before Blair could waddle to the door of the sitting room.

"Nate please! I'm sorry!"

"You have nothing to be sorry for!" he snapped at her as the elevator arrived.

"Then why are-"

"I just need to think OK?" He could feel himself cooling down even now.

"Will you come home?" Nate didn't look at her as he nodded.

* * *

Nate found himself in the bar of the Plaza. It had been one of their regular haunts as teenagers. He order a Ketel One and tonic; just because he could and settle in a bar stool preparing to drink himself into a stupor. After three of the vodka tonics he realized what had happened. None of this was Blair's fault. It was him, him, him. He was angry because he could barely get any work done these days because he felt permanently guilty that he wasn't with Blair at appointments or birthing classes or buying baby clothes and he was angry because of the feelings he had for Serena and his inability to grind them to dirt. He felt guilty about these feelings and the anger which had exploded in front of Blair only added to the guilt. Blair hadn't done anything. He didn't really care if they knew the baby's sex or not; all he cared was that the baby and Blair were OK. And, anyway, if he'd been given the choice he really wanted a little girl.

The revelation which occurred after the third drink didn't stop him ordering the fourth, or the seventh. It was after the seventh that Nate began to feel confused. Blair didn't like it when he was drunk and he wanted Blair to like him, lots and lots and lots. No he wanted Blair to love him and he wanted their baby, no their daughter, to love him. He couldn't go home in this state and that was the logic which drew him to dialling Serena's number.

"Hello?" Serena answered with a slight sniffle which went undetected by Nate's drugged out mind.

"Serena?" Nate slurred slightly.

"Yes?"

"It is Serena," he mumbled.

"Natie?"

"Serena."

"Are you OK?"

"No. I was an asshole to Blair."

"Where are you?"

"The Plaza; I can't go home."

"I'm alone," Serena whispered secretly hoping he'd hold her tight and make all of this go away.

"I'll come round and we can talk." Nate said standing up from the bar trying to keep his balance straight. "Oh Serena," he said just before he hung up about to tell Serena the news about the baby's sex.

"Yeah?"

"Never mind." Nate said.

* * *

**A/N:**** Please review and I hope you are still interested in this story but as you might know I've been otherwise engage recently and for obvious reasons this hasn't been the first thing on my mind. So please review if you're still interested enough in this story for me to continue. **


	7. All the Promises We Break

**A/N****: Firstly I would like to apologize a thousand million times over for the fact that this story has hardly been updated. I was in hospital and treatment since October 2009 and I know this story is well overdue an update. It's been plaguing my mind so much and I hope you can all forgive me and review anyway. I am on vacation right now and have plenty of travel time to work on updates. There are two chapters left and I might write a sequel which I planned while in treatment. Anyway thank you for not giving up to me, you reading this means a lot to me. **

* * *

_You say you want  
__Your love to work out right  
__To last with me through the night._

_You say you want  
__Diamonds on a ring of gold  
__Your story to remain untold  
__Your love not to grow cold._

_All the promises we break  
__From the cradle to the grave  
__When all want is you._

_

* * *

_

The sun that rose silently, bathing the city in day light, began peeking around the curtains; soaking two pairs of intertwined golden legs and two golden heads in its warm rays. Serena awoke sleepily as she felt movement and the warmth of Dan's body pulling away from her. Her eyelids fluttered open and she slowly realized that Nate wasn't Dan and his haste at redressing was oddly reminiscent of various encounters which she had engaged in as a teenager. She pulled the sheets around herself to protect her dignity as she watched him silently. He made no eye contact as he redressed.

He glanced at her as though he were going to say something and then he swiftly crossed the room to the door. He paused and returned to the bedside. "Serena," he addressed her weakly.

"I won't say anything."

Nate let his eyelids close in relief.

"Last night never happened. I have Dan and Heidi; you have Blair and the baby. Don't even let yourself think about last night."

Nate nodded quietly. "It meant nothing." He nodded again, his bangs flopping in an irresistible manner. "I love Blair more than anything."

Serena nodded quietly.

"I'll see you later."

He left the room and closed the door. His eyes shut in anguish. He knew that it was far from nothing. Last night had meant a lot. He'd slept with Serena, Blair's best friend. He'd cheated on the woman who was having his baby. He'd simultaneously destroyed his own relationship and he'd probably pushed Serena and Dan further apart than they already were.

Serena pulled the sheets from the bed as he left. She cursed herself as she bundled the sheets into her arms to take them down to her building's laundry room, which she'd never actually visited before. She slammed the door of the washer as she roughly shoved the sheets in. She was such an idiot. How had last night even happened? She could remember it all so clearly; granted Nate had been as drunk as a sailor, but she had been sober; she'd had one or two cosmopolitans before getting in the cab back to her place with Nate. She knew what was happening between them, she'd even had the inclination to stop it, but she'd told herself not to. Why the hell hadn't she? Why had she let things end up like this? Why couldn't she and Dan work through whatever was going wrong - even if things weren't going to be as happily ever after as they had been before they could at least figure something out regarding Heidi. The thought of Heidi made her eyes prick with tears. She was the little girl's mother, she wasn't supposed to sleep with random men while her baby was all the way over in Brooklyn. It was no wonder to Serena why Heidi seemed to like Blair more these days. She was rarely put Heidi first, maybe if she had last night wouldn't have happened because she could have been tucking the little girl up into bed with a story before watching the Daily Show on comedy central and going to bed herself.

Serena was full on crying by the time the machine finished washing the sheets and she could barely see through her own tears as she roughly shoved them into the dryer. Her phone jangled in the pocket of the jeans she had pulled on that morning. She quickly composed herself, fully aware of the make-up from last night streaked across her face and the redness building around her eyes and nose.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. Dan."

"Oh hey," she sniffed determinedly. "How's Heidi?"

"She's fine, she's playing with my dad's guitars."

"Are you watching her?"

"My dad's with her and Lily's here too. My dad made waffles, she really liked them, except she probably couldn't taste the waffles because she drowned them in syrup - just like you do." Dan paused. "Serena?" He asked as his tone became more serious.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to talk about what's going on with us. I mean I don't really know how things got like this, but we can't just keep going on like there's nothing wrong. Unless you think nothing's wrong and it's maybe just me getting mixed signals, because I do that sometimes."

"Dan, stop." Serena cut him off. She couldn't take his rambling right now. "I know things are bad between us, but I think that we maybe need to work them out. But not right now. I feel like I need to spend time with Heidi before we make any decisions about us-"

"Wait what are you saying?" Dan jumped in. "What do you mean any decisions about us?"

"I don't know what I mean Dan!" Serena whined as she got more worked up. "Things are all wrong and I never wanted to end up like this, but right now it just feels like our relationship is the last thing either of us care about."

"I care about our relationship. You know I care about you and Heidi more than anything."

"Dan, just listen to me," Serena butted in again refusing to let him domineer the conversation. "Ever since the accident I have been a terrible partner and an even worse mother. I need to spend time with Heidi. She's starting first grade in September and I don't want to miss anymore of her life. Maybe right now we need to take a break from one another. You need to work and I respect that, but I'm not happy with our life right now. It's not me. Maybe we're more different than we thought."

"If this is about Florida-"

"It's about more than Florida!" Serena sighed in exasperation. "It's about everything. Maybe we just did things wrong, I'm not ready for this level of commitment."

"We have a five-year-old daughter and now you decide you're not ready for commitment?"

"You don't understand!" Serena was being driven demented at trying to express her feelings over the phone to Dan. "Heidi was a mistake, we both know that and maybe she's the only reason that we've kept this charade going. I love her, you know I do. I'd do anything for her. But our relationship it's too intense - it feels like we're tiptoeing over glass shards and I can't do it anymore. I just want a break, you can go to Florida and then maybe we can talk about how we want things to be."

"Are you saying we're over?"

"No," Serena was further frustrated. "I just need a month or so."

"A month?" Dan was stunned. "A break's like four days, not four weeks."

"Can't we just see how things go?"

"Yeah, sure." Dan finally submitted to her pleas. "I'll come by with Heidi now and then I'll stay at my dad's until I know if I'm going to Florida."

"Thank you." Serena said quietly.

"Bye."

"Bye." She hung up, clutching her blackberry tightly. She felt terrible, but she knew that everything needed to be straightened out before she knew what was happening with their relationship. Maybe once Blair had had her baby things would feel clearer and then Heidi would be at school and then things could maybe start to work themselves out.

* * *

The moment the elevator bell rang through the apartment Blair got up and went straight to the foyer. She froze when she saw him, although she wasn't expecting anyone else. Their eyes locked, he saw the exhaustion on her face and the tears that had obviously been welling in her eyes. Slowly he took his coat off and left it on the chaise by the elevator and made his way towards her. She watched him closely. He gently reached out for her and she fell into his arms. He held her tightly in silence until he finally muttered an apology. Blair's face remained buried in his chest.

"Blair?" He said quietly. She sniffed as she pulled away from him.

"Please don't go," she whispered as she clung to him.

"I won't," he held her just as tight.

"Nate," she whispered.

"Yes?"

"I need you, I need you to stay with me. I can't -"

Nate's stomach began churning. How did he always end up hurting her so much? He had almost driven her to terminating their baby and now here he was pushing her away again when all she had been trying to do was to show him how much she needed him. He gently ran his fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry," Nate whispered. "I'm so sorry I upset you last night. It wasn't you, nothing you do could make me want to hurt you the way I did last night."

Blair said nothing as he held her. "I love you."

"I love you too." Nate sighed quietly. "More than anything and I love our baby just as much." He let his hand rest on her bump. "I promise you," he smiled looking straight into her eyes. "I'm never going to leave you or our baby. I know we fight a lot, but I love you too much to let you go and I promise I'll remember that every time I get mad."

"And I promise not to stress you out about the baby."

"You can stress me out as much as you like about our daughter. I'm supposed to be here to help you through these nine months and I've been less than supportive. I'll take some time off work to make sure the rest of the pregnancy goes as smoothly as it can for you."

"You don't have-"

"I want to." He kissed her forehead. "There's something else." He stopped smiling and looked at her more seriously. "I, I wanted to ask you - I know that last night I upset you so much and I understand if you can't forgive me - and I know we indefinitely postponed any talk of this - but what would you say if I were to ask you to marry me?"

"If you were to ask me to marry me?" She looked up at him, her eyes glinting in anticipation. "I'd say yes."

"So will you marry me?"

Blair stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips fleetingly before nodding and saying yes.

Nate kissed her again and again and again. He wasn't quite sure what had come over him, but asking Blair to marry him seem like the right thing to do. They had been engaged but due to their disagreement before the baby news all thoughts of marriage had been postponed.

"Maybe you could take a nap and then I'll take you ring shopping," Nate caressed her hair delicately.

"I can't get an engagement ring," Blair said in horror. "Look at my fingers, they're huge!"

Nate kissed her fingers lightly. "It doesn't have to be ring shopping. I can just be shopping," he kissed her again.

"Baby shopping," Blair nodded, "But I want to sleep first. I couldn't sleep last night."

"Neither did I," Nate lied.

* * *

"Hey," Dan smiled heavily.

"Mommy!" Heidi squealed as Serena swept the excitable pre-schooler into her arms. "Mommy, I missed you!" Heidi kissed Serena's lips happily and tangled her hands in her hair.

"I have the best day planned for you, why don't you go and tidy up your room quickly." Serena put her daughter down to let her run away.

"Hey," she smiled weakly at Dan.

"I just thought I'd pick some stuff up," he shrugged.

"I've been thinking," Serena stopped him. "Maybe we could take a week out and then talk next weekend to see how we both feel?"

"That sounds good," Dan nodded as he gave her a brief hug. "Can I drop by and see Heidi on Sunday?"

"Of course," Serena nodded fighting the tears threatening to fall. She didn't want to pull Heidi and Dan apart, she just needed to spend some time with Heidi and then figure out what there was between herself and Dan.

Dan smiled as he passed her to go to their room to fetch some things.

Serena followed Heidi into her room where she found her playing with her box of my little ponies. "Sweetie, I told you to tidy up," Serena giggled as she watched her daughter combing the hair of her favorite pony.

"Come and play," Serena smiled and sat on the ground next to her and joined in the brushing of the ponies' hair.

"Serena," Dan's voice was curt as he addressed her. "Can I have a word?"

Serena looked at him with a perplexed expression, but followed him from the room.

"What the hell is this?" He demanded the moment they were far enough away from Heidi's room.

Serena stared at the belt he was holding and felt her stomach plummet. No, no, no. "Dan don't get mad," she tried to stop him from blowing up at her.

"Don't get mad! Why the hell is someone guy's belt in our bathroom? Is this why you want a break? Who is he? Tell me Serena or I'm walking out that door with Heidi and- and you can forget about everything we have." Dan regretted his words the moment they were out of his mouth as he saw Serena's eyes fill with tears at the mention of Heidi. "Oh come on, I didn't mean - I would never - you know I wouldn't-"

"It's Nate's belt," Serena snapped.

"Wait and minute? Nate?" Dan stared at her. "As in Blair's Nate? As in the man whose baby Blair Waldorf is carrying?"

"They had a fight and he slept on the couch."

"Oh Ok, I'm sorry."

"Yeah well you should be. You know I wouldn't- I wouldn't do something like that."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I know that you wouldn't do that." Dan nodded as he spoke. He knew that even as he agreed with Serena that she was lying; he'd seen the fresh sheets haphazardly put on their bed. Serena had obviously put them on herself and she was far from accomplished. He knew that Serena was lying.

* * *

**A/N****: I can't convey how much a review would mean to me, just knowing that people haven't given up on me. I promise that this story will be updated within a week if I get just one positive review.**

**Further request: As you might have guessed my beta reader has "retired" and I would really like a new one so anybody willing to beta the next two chapters would be my hero! Just mention in the comments and make sure I can contact you - whether that be through review reply or through an e-mail address. **


	8. Who has to know?

**A/N: Still looking for a beta reader if anyone is interested. **

* * *

_Who has to know?  
__The way she feels inside  
__Those thoughts I can't deny  
__These sleeping dogs won't lie  
__And now I try to lie  
__It's eating me apart  
__Trace this life back_

_I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
__Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret_

_[…]_

_Who has to know?  
__Who has to know?_

* * *

"I like this one," Blair held up a newborn blanket with a pink ditsy print. "They have it in lilac too," she indicated. Nate crossed the baby boutique to examine Blair's choice.

"I think I like the pink," he nodded.

"Me too," Blair smiled as she handed it to the Bonpoint sales assistant who had been trailing them around for the last forty minutes.

"Come and see these little shoes, they're adorable," Nate led her by the hand over to where he had found a pair of tiny gray knitted booties.

"Aww," Blair cooed as she lifted them. "They're adorable, we should get them in more than one size so that she doesn't grow out of them too fast!" Blair excitedly fumbled for a newborn pair as well as a six to nine months.

Another forty minutes later Blair and Nate emerged from Bonpoint onto Madison Avenue. "Let's go to Ralph Lauren," Blair insisted. "The baby store is only a few blocks away."

"Whatever you want," Nate kissed her forehead sweetly. Blair smiled up at him and took his hand as they wandered towards their next destination.

* * *

They returned to their apartment that afternoon with more baby clothes and accessories than they were ever going to need, but both very happy. Blair sank down into the sofa as soon as they'd deposited their shopping bags in the soon to be nursery. "I'm so tired already," she whined. Nate smiled and joined her on the sofa wrapping her in his arms and letting his hands rest on her expanding stomach.

"Only two more months," Nate reassured her gently. "And then we'll have our beautiful little girl."

"Two months is a long time," Blair sighed. Her belly was now uncomfortably large and she was needing to pee constantly. Shopping was the best distraction Nate had been able to find. "I'm so fed up of being fat," she jabbed the top of her bump.

"You are not fat," Nate assured her kissing her hands lightly. "You're pregnant, there's a huge difference."

"Huge," Blair sighed. Nate chuckled.

"You always look beautiful to me and in two months time our little baby will think you're beautiful too."

Blair planted a chaste kiss on his lips. "I love you Archibald."

"I love you too," he returned the kiss a little more passionately. Just as their kissing began to get a little carried away the phone rang.

"Hello?" Blair answered. "Oh yeah he's right here." She handed the phone to Nate. "It's for you."

Nate took the phone smiling. Blair settled against him happily as he spoke on the phone with someone from work. He absent mindedly ran his fingers through her hair, which had become a lot thicker as a result of her pregnancy. She rested her hand on a spot where she could feel the baby moving a little. Her touch made the little one's movements more defined as she sensed Blair's touch. Blair often fantasized about finally having their little girl home together. The nursery was almost complete and the heirloom Moses basket, which Serena had gifted to Blair's baby sister, had been shipped from California and was positioned in the crib ready for it's new occupant.

Blair jolted back to reality when Nate hung up the phone. "What did they want?" She asked as she lowered his now free hand to where the baby was moving so as he could feel it too.

"They want to steal me away this afternoon," Nate looked at her pleadingly as she pouted.

"But we have an antenatal class, remember?"

"I remembered, but I do kind of need to be there for this pitch. Can you spare me from one class? Call Serena, I'm sure she'd love to come."

"Serena's too busy with whatever's going on with her and Humphrey."

Nate pressed his lips together. He still felt guilty about what that night had led to between Serena and Dan. They were practically separated and Serena was not in a good place anymore. She had dumped Heidi on himself and Blair more times than either cared to count in recent weeks and the five-year-old seemed a little distressed by the whole situation.

"I'll call my mom to see if she'll go with you," Nate answered a little quietly.

* * *

Blair said goodbye to Anne and thanked her for accompanying her to the Lamaze class as they exited the building on 73rd Street. Blair began to make her way home, she'd chosen to walk as it was another nice day and she planned on dropping by Nate's office with a Starbuck's Green Chai Latte. As she made her way down Fifth Avenue her legs were assaulted by Heidi who had spotted her from down the block and had raced Dan to hug her.

"Oh, hi," Blair smiled brightly on catching sight of the little darling.

"Heidi, I told you not to run off," Dan scolded her. "If you keep doing this then we're going straight home."

"No," Heidi whined clinging to Blair as Dan made to detach his daughter from Blair's legs.

"Thanks," Blair smiled as Dan lifted Heidi to him, the extra strain on her legs was really not needed.

"Blair, come to the park with us!" Heidi squealed excitedly. "Please! Please daddy, tell Blair to come with us!" Heidi demanded.

"Sure, I'll come with you," Blair smiled as she walked hand in hand with Heidi towards the playground on 72nd street.

"How are things?" Dan asked as he and Blair took a seat on a bench and observed Heidi.

"Great," Blair smiled happily. "I just came from a Lamaze class; Nate couldn't make it today, but he's been to most of them. He's taken some time off work to get ready for the baby. How about with you guys? Have you worked things out yet?"

"Not so much," Dan shook his head. "We've been talking, but we both want different things and I think that maybe the only reason we forced this was because we wanted things to be perfect for Heidi."

Blair nodded sympathetically. She couldn't ever see herself getting stuck in the kind of relationship Serena had been in. She loved Nate more than anything and this baby was going to make things even more perfect, even if it shook their lives up a little to begin with.

"Do you mind me asking - it's just that Serena never said anything - but what happened with you two?" Blair's eyebrows furrowed. "I mean I know you guys have fallen out in the past, but is it really that bad this time?"

Dan considered her for a moment. "Didn't she say anything?"

"She said it was petty, but when she's dumped Heidi on us four nights out of nine, we sort of began thinking it was more."

"Well it started that night that you and Nate had the fight-"

"What fight?"

"You know when Nate stopped over at our place? Serena said you guys fought and that he slept on the couch at our place."

Blair remembered the night that Dan was talking about. "So what's the problem? It was us that fought and we've made up."

Dan paused. "You know what we shouldn't be talking about this. I mean you have your relationship and we have ours and they're not the same so it's probably better if we just don't tangle them because I know you and Serena are friends-"

"Humphrey, what are you saying?" Blair cut his nonsensical jibber jabber off.

Dan glanced at Blair's exploding stomach and then back up at her. "I've said too much."

"Dan? What's going on? Does this have anything to do with me?"

"Listen," Dan took her hand gently, barely able to take his eyes off of her pregnant stomach. "I found Nate's belt in the en suite the morning after he slept over and Serena had changed the sheets before Heidi and I got home."

Blair stared at him for a moment as tears collected in her eyes. "But Serena said that he slept on the couch." Blair bit back the tears. "Why are you so skeptical of what she said?"

Dan looked at her sadly. "I guess that maybe I don't trust what she said."

"Well I trust Nate, in every sense of the word and maybe you and Serena should resolve your own issues before you go screwing up anyone else's relationship." Blair stood up and was on her way out of the park before Dan was even aware of what he'd done.

* * *

"Hey sweetheart," Nate kissed her cheek as he arrived home from smoothing things over at the office. "How was the Lamaze class?" He noted her tear stained eyes and gently combed stray hair from her face allowing his hand to linger against her cheek. "Is everything OK?"

She heard the panic in his voice as his hand dropped to touch her baby bump.

"Did something happen?"

Blair shook her head.

"Are you OK?"

"I ran into Heidi and Dan when I was out," Blair tried to hold tears back, but they were dripping from her eyelashes as she put on her brave face. Nate stood waiting for her to finish the story of what had turned her day upside down with concern etched across his face. "He said that you and Serena," Blair faltered as tears overcame her again.

"Blair," Nate tried to pull her to him.

"My best friend!" Blair shouted. "Again!"

"Blair you have to listen to me," Nate insisted as he tried to hold her hands.

"No I don't!" Blair shouted. "I'm fed up of listening to you. You proposed to me that morning! You said that you loved me and you had had sex with my best friend! I'm carrying our baby and you slept with someone else!"

"It doesn't change that I love you, I just didn't want to hurt you anymore than I already had."

"And you thought keeping it a secret would help?"

"No, I wish it had never happened, it was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. You mean the world to me and I love you more than anything and you know how much this baby means to me and to us. We're getting married Blair and we'll be a real family in a few weeks."

"How can I marry someone who won't ever commit to me? I can't ever trust you again."

"I was an ass, I know I was. I wouldn't disagreed with you, but that night was the biggest mistake I ever made and when I realized what had happened I knew that all I wanted in the world was you and our baby."

Blair tears were still falling down her face. Nate gently brushed some away.

"Please Blair, forgive me. I promise you now that from that morning I proposed to you, you and our baby were my only priorities. Don't walk away from our relationship. You know how much I love you; I always have and I always will."

"She's my best friend," Blair's eyes were still swimming in tears, but her body language was less hostile and more helpless. "You guys will always have history, what do we have?"

"Blair we have more than history," Nate assured her taking her arms. "We're mythic. I've wanted to be the only one for you since the fourth grade. Don't you remember we used to switch partners to get to dance together at ballroom lessons? And how we went to elementary school prom together? We have more than history. We've been together for ever and ever and I never want things to change."

"Neither do I," Blair whispered. "But promise-"

"I'll never hurt you again and I'll do everything I can to stop our daughter ever getting her heart broken."

Blair stood in front of him conflicted; the last thing she wanted right now was to be left alone or to push Nate back to Serena; but the feeling of knowing that Nate had had sex with Serena was tearing her apart.

"Come here," Nate extended his arms to her.

She took a tentative step forward and let him embrace her.

"I love you," he whispered gently into her ear.

"Always have; always will." She said more to remind herself than him.

* * *

"Are you OK?" Nate asked quietly as he slid into bed beside her that night. Blair nodded silently. "You've barely said a word since we argued and I don't want to let this lie if you're still mad at me."

"It changes things," Blair said quietly.

"It doesn't change the way that I love you," Nate gently stroked her hair.

"It does change things," Blair insisted. "I need you right now in the same way that Dan and Serena thought they needed each other when Heidi was born. I don't want to end up unable to talk civilly to one another in six years time."

"I know I'm asking a lot when I ask you to move past this, but I really think that if we can then everything we ever wanted can be the way it's supposed to be. We're going to have our first child in a few months and then we'll get married and then we can have more children. We're going to have the life we always talked about here in New York as a family of our own."

Blair fell silent; as right as he was she was now questioning what she had always wanted. "Promise me that it won't happen ever again."

"I promise you that I will never make that mistake again and I will always be right here when you or our daughter needs me."

"And promise me that you aren't just saying all of this stuff because we're having a baby. Do you want to be part of this?"

"I want to be here, through all the good times and all of our fights; I love you too much to miss any of it."

Blair smiled as she snuggled into him. He'd said it all just like the script of the movie in her head had planned it. "One more thing?"

"Whatever you want," he kissed her neck gently.

"I don't want things to change between Serena and myself, but I don't want you guys being friends any more."

"You have nothing to worry about," he kissed her again. "I haven't spoken to Serena in weeks and I have no intention to. Besides neither of us are going to have any time for friends in a few weeks anyway."

"She's worth it though," Blair smiled happily as she positioned Nate's hand on her bump to feel the gentle rumbling of their daughter.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the wonderful response the last time, I was so glad to see you hadn't all given up on me! I hope to get the same again, but no pressure ;) **


	9. You'll See Your Hero Come Running

**A/N: Still looking for a beta reader... anyone? This is probably the penultimate chapter and as always reviews mean more than new shoes. **

* * *

_I just wanna hold your hand  
__Stare at you like you've got everything I need_

_And I can so I will and you'll see your hero come running  
__Over and over tonight_

_And I do wanna love you  
__If you see me running back  
__And I do wanna try  
__Because if falling for you girl is crazy  
__Then I'm going out of my mind  
__So hold back your tears this time_

_And what if I never said to you I was dynamite  
__And what if I never told you I'm afraid to cry  
__What if I never let you down  
__And said I'm sorry for the nights I can't remember  
__What if I never said to you I would try?_

_

* * *

_

Blair honestly felt too exhausted to be meeting Serena for lunch, but it was Heidi's first day of grade school and Serena had called her very weepily a few hours ago to see if she wanted to meet up.

Blair had thought about turning down the invitation, as she had been steering clear of Serena recently, but she had realized that she did want to address Serena on the issue at some point and she had been avoiding doing so.

Serena hadn't anticipated how awkward the lunch would be with her heavily pregnant best friend. She'd been relying on Blair to jabber on about babies and how wonderful Nate was, but she seemed to be completely avoiding the subject of both Nate and the baby; deliberately steering the conversation back to mundane topics such as the new floral maxi dresses by Erdem which she had been coveting and was planning to make her first post pregnancy purchase.

As lunch dragged on Blair became more and more aware of the fact that she was postponing what she had come to say.

"How are things with you and Dan?" She asked throwing herself in, building herself up to telling Serena that she knew.

"Um, they've been better," Serena admitted. "You heard that he's working in Florida?"

"Yeah Nate said," Blair nodded.

"Apparently there's no work for freelance journalists in New York," Serena said bitterly.

"They do overcrowd the place," Blair noted. "How's Heidi taken it?"

"Badly," Serena admitted. "She thinks he's not coming back."

"And is he?"

"I don't know," Serena sighs. "Part of me wants to be with him, but another part of me is so fed up of everything between us. I know we're friends, but that's all we've ever really been." Serena wasn't meeting Blair's eyes, but instead fiddling with her coffee cup. "I mean I guess we were in love once, but not in the same way as things are with you and Nate." Blair shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Things always work out with you guys no matter what and Nate fits perfectly into your life because he's always been a part of it. Dan doesn't fit." Her eyes looked said as she said this and Blair couldn't help but feel sorry for her best friend. But Blair Waldorf was never so sympathetic that she couldn't muster a take down.

"I saw Dan a while ago, at the park with Heidi." Blair stated. Serena looked at her best friend curiously. "He told me about the night that Nate was at your place."

Serena froze at what her best friend said. "What did he say?"

"He told me about what happened with you two." Blair stated refusing to get into the delicacies of the situation. "And I wanted to say to you that Nate and I-"

"Blair stop," Serena reached for her best friend's hand, but Blair recoiled. "I know what happened was the worst-"

"No, Serena. We're not talking about it. I'm telling you that I don't want you and Nate to be around each other. I'm having his baby and things are not going to change because of what happened with you two."

"Are you serious?" Serena asked in slight shock.

"Deadly."

"You do realize that he proposed to you the morning after don't you?"

"Of course I realize that Serena," Blair spat.

"And you want to pretend like nothing's happened?"

"I'm having a baby Serena and I'm not letting whatever happened with you two change how things are. You promised me that Nate would be here for me if I told him about the baby and if he wasn't here I don't know how things would have turned out."

"I know you're angry Blair, but Nate isn't blameless in this," Serena glared at her best friend.

"I didn't say he was blameless. I said that I need him and I love him."

Serena fought to shout back at Blair how much she loved Nate. It hurt her so much knowing that Nate would never leave Blair's side and that she was on the path of single motherhood.

"Nate's been there for me through this and you know that I can't do this without him."

"I've been there for you!" Serena glared at her friend incredulously. "You're little drama landed me in a coma and drove Dan and I apart."

Blair said nothing as she looked at her best friend who had tears in her eyes.

"You're always going to have Nate; he loves you more than anything and you're little life with your baby is going to be as perfect as you've always planned it. And I'll happily leave you and Nate to it, but don't dare put all the blame for what happened on me when your fiancée was equally consensual." Serena got up from the table and grabbed her purse rushing from the restaurant.

"Serena!" Blair called after her. "Serena!" Blair did her best to hurry after her friend, but every part of her was aching.

"What?" Serena rounded on her best friend once they were outside of the restaurant.

"I didn't mean - I know that Nate was too, but-"

"But what Blair?" Serena demanded. "I'm sorry about what happened, but it wasn't all my fault!"

"I know," Blair muttered. "But I need you to stay away from Nate, because I can't handle this anymore. I can't live paranoid that you and Nate are always going to wind up together in some form of the word."

"Fine, I'll stay away from him. But I can't wait for the day your perfect little world comes crashing down. He cheated on you Blair, you need to realize that as much as you can project your little rose-tinted version of your life to other people it's not going to make you happy."

"Nate makes me happy," Blair retorted quietly.

Serena stood for a moment. "Fine." She hailed a cab and courteously, yet grudgingly, let pregnant Blair take the first.

* * *

Serena stormed home in a rage. Part of her wanted to board the next flight out of JFK, regardless of where it was going, but another, more sensible, part of her knew that she couldn't leave Heidi; it was her first day of grade school and what was more she'd just severed all ties from the only person she really trusted her daughter with.

"How was Serena?" Nate called as he heard Blair arrive back. He was at her side in moments taking her purse from her and planting a cute kiss on her cheek.

"We had a fight," Blair sighed.

Nate knew not what to ask about. "I'm sure it will all smooth out," Nate assured her as he led her to the couch.

"I'm so tired," Blair sighed, absent mindedly rubbing her expanded stomach.

Nate chuckled as he rested his own hands on her stomach too. "She'll be here any day now."

"And you'll always be here too, won't you?"

"Of course I will," Nate nodded. "Do you want to talk about what you and Serena fought about?" He asked lightly.

Blair shook her head. "I'm too tired."

"I don't want this to be something we ignore-"

"Nate, I already forgave you. We need to move on. I know it changes things, but let's put it behind us. We're going to have a baby in a matter of days and that's going to take a lot of effort."

"I love you," Nate leant across Blair to kiss her gently. "And I love you too," Nate smiled as he blew a raspberry on Blair's stomach. "And we can't wait to meet you; you're already the most spoilt little girl in all of New York and I'm sure your mommy will find lots more nice things to buy you before you're born."

"I officially give up shopping until this thing is out of me." Blair declared frowning at her stomach.

"Don't believe her for a second," Nate whispered to the baby. "She has her name on the waiting list at Barneys for the new collection of Chloe baby clothes."

"OK, other than the Chloe stuff, I'm not going shopping until she comes out of me."

"I guess I'll have to go for you then," Nate smiled kissing Blair's stomach once more. "Lots and lots of presents for my little princess."

Blair smiled as she watched Nate whispering to her stomach.

"And of course as soon as you get here I have a very expensive something to buy for your mommy."

"Oh yeah and what would that be?" Blair asked cocking her eyebrow as she snuggled up to Nate .

"Hmm," Nate murmured. "I wonder," he began to kiss her gently and then more passionately. Blair reciprocated as her fingers began running through her hair.

"You know," she smiled coyly at him. "_That's_ something which is supposed to make the baby come faster."

Nate chuckled lightly. "Oh really," he smirked.

She nodded kneeling to kiss him again.

"Well I was thinking I could take my lovely soon-to-be-wife to dinner this evening," Nate suggested as he let his fingers run through her hair.

"My idea sounds like more fun," Blair whispered caressing his cheek gently.

"I very much like the sound of your idea for afterwards, but this is one of our last evenings as a couple. Pretty soon we're going to be a family and I want one more night with just you."

"That's a nice idea," Blair nodded. "I have this formal maternity dress that I haven't had the chance to wear yet," she smiled contentedly.

"OK," Nate kissed her forehead. "I'll make reservations at Geisha."

"Eww, no. I can't possibly eat sushi; let's go to Le Giraffe," Blair insisted as she made a face at the suggestion of Geisha.

"Whatever you want," Nate nodded kissing her gently. "You go get dressed."

* * *

Blair adjusted her dress on her shoulder. She couldn't wait to being back to her normal seize. Pregnancy overwhelmed her delicate little frame. She frowned as she tried to make it a little more flattering.

"How are you doing?" Nate asked appearing in her closet.

Blair just screwed her face up.

"You look beautiful," he whispered into her ear as she stood scrutinizing her figure. Blair smiled as she took his hand.

"Is it time to go?"

Nate nodded as he planted more kisses along her jaw.

"Not until later Natie," Blair teased pulling away from him to pick up her new Balenciaga clutch.

* * *

Nate took her hand as they approached the elevator and just before they were about to get in it she gripped his hand incredulously tightly. "Are you OK?" He asked with concern as her face suddenly paled.

"Ow, ow," Blair whispered under her breath biting her lip.

"Blair," Nate said more urgently, but her grip on his hand relented and she looked up into his eyes. "Was that-" he trailed off unable to comprehend that this could be happening now - or in fact ever.

"I don't know," Blair looked terrified. "I think it was."

"Let's get you to a doctor," Nate decided.

"But what about our date?"

"We can have a date when she goes to college," he kissed her gently as he got her into the elevator.

* * *

Despite being aware of how upset Blair had been with Serena earlier, Nate had called her as Blair's labor had progressed. It was 5am and Blair was 7 centimeters dilated when Serena arrived.

"Hey, I'm looking for Blair Waldorf," Serena asked the question openly to the nurses station.

"I'll take you to her," one of the nurses nodded, showing Serena the way to Blair's private side room.

"Hi," Serena whispered quietly as she entered the room.

"What's she doing here?" Blair muttered.

"She's your friend," Nate reminded her.

"I just got Nate's message," Serena elaborated. "Uh Nate would it be OK if I talked to Blair alone for a moment?"

"No, don't go," Blair insisted.

"I'll be right outside," Nate assured her. "Serena, you'll come and get me if she has another contraction won't you?"

"Of course," Serena nodded as Nate walked past her to leave. Serena smiled at Blair once they were alone. "Listen," she approached Blair's side. "I'm really sorry about earlier."

Blair said nothing.

"You're my best friend, B," Serena smiled. "After our fight I felt like hibernating away. I missed you the minute your cab left."

"I hate fighting too," Blair nodded.

"Especially over things that are irrelevant. Nate is your fiancée and I am happy for you. You suit one another and you're going to make fantastic parents."

Blair smiled and then fisted her hands up in the bed sheets as another contraction hit her.

"Nate!" Serena called out as she took her best friend's hand. Nate quickly reappeared and took her other hand trying to calm her down as the worst contraction yet took hold of Blair.

Nate kissed her forehead gently a the contraction faded. "Did you guys make up?"

"We always do," Blair rolled her eyes.

"And I want to be as near as possible when you guys have your baby. I mean I've been waiting since the fourth grade for this day," Serena joked.

"Speaking of grade school, where's Heidi?" Nate asked suddenly.

"She's with my mom and Rufus, I called them when I got your message."

"I bet they love you for that," Blair rolled her eyes sarcastically.

"Well my babysitters of choice are preoccupied. And are likely to be tied up with their own bundle of joy for a month or two to come." Blair and Nate smiled at Serena's attempt to lighten the situation. "Do you want me to do anything?" Serena shrugged her shoulder. "Call anyone?"

"Can you try my dad again?" Blair asked. "He didn't answer earlier, he should be awake by now."

"Yeah sure," Serena nodded and made to exit the room.

"So have you guys really made up?" Nate asked once Serena had left. Blair nodded.

"Things are going to be good between everyone from now on."

"Good," Nate smiled just as another contraction gripped Blair.

As it passed Nate chuckled and bent down to talk to her stomach. "Would you stop hurting your mommy so much and just get here already?"

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. I'll love you forever if you review now. They mean a lot and if you're a writer you'll understand this. Thank you.**


	10. She Wraps Her Hand Around My Finger

**A/N: So I lied this isn't actually the final chapter. Hope everyone likes it and don't forget to review. Also if anyone would like to beta read please, please, please get in touch. **

_

* * *

And when she wraps her hand around my finger  
__It puts a smile in my heart  
__Everything becomes a little clearer  
__I realize what life is all about_

_It's hanging on when your heart has had enough  
__It's giving more when you feel like giving up  
__I've seen the light  
__It's in my daughter's eyes_

* * *

"And a baby girl," the midwife held her in her hands as the doctor motioned for Nate to cut the umbilical cord. He complied a little unsure of what he was doing as the little baby squirmed and began to fuss. "And here we go," the midwife said, efficiently wrapping the baby in the awaiting pink blanket and passing her to Blair.

Blair gasped a little as she took her daughter. Nate smiled down at her, but Blair was too entranced as she stroked the tiny little fingers which clenched around hers as she felt like she was about to cry. She didn't know why, she wasn't sad, she was happy, but not the ready to cry kind of happy.

"She's so tiny," Blair whispered. Nate nodded and lightly moved some hair from Blair's face. She was completely drained but he could never remember feeling so lucky that she was his. He gazed down at the tiny baby, he couldn't comprehend that she was his little girl, he hadn't given much thought to what this moment would feel like. He hadn't thought that it would feel particularly emotional, but right now he too felt like crying, but he wasn't going to because he was too happy to see this perfect little girl.

Blair smiled up at him, the exhaustion was apparent in her face from the gruelingly long delivery.

"She's so beautiful," Nate smiled. "Just like her mommy," he winked and then chuckled.

"She has your eyes," Blair insisted and Nate looked down and saw his own green eyes, slightly flecked with gold, gazing back up at him.

"Well let's hope everything else is you," Nate smiled and then leant in to give Blair a kiss.

A nurse appeared momentarily to whisk Blair away to be cleaned up. Nate was left alone in the room with their daughter in his arms. "Hey," he whispered. "I love you," he gently stroked her little fingers and found them clenching tightly around his own. Nate found that he couldn't stop smiling as he watched her little eye lids flutter closed. She was so warm wrapped up in her little blankie, but she wasn't as ugly as other babies - Nate was sure of that. Although he did remember Serena insisting the same thing about Heidi who had been rather red and whose face had looked a little squashed for a few days. Maybe it was just his parental instincts that were telling him that she was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen, but she seemed completely perfect as she lay in his arms somewhere between crying out and falling asleep.

Blair came back refreshed and smiling. Nate knew everyone was desperate to see the new mother and child and he didn't want to delay them any longer. Serena had been waiting patiently for the past twelve hours and was over excitable as Nate passed her the baby.

"Aww look at her, she's so cute," Serena cooed down at her. Serena began chattering happily to the little baby who was fast asleep. Nate settled himself beside Blair and let her lean against him as he fiddled with her hair which had been washed when she was taken away shortly after the delivery. "What's her name?" Serena asked as she stood swaying with the baby in her arms.

Blair looked at Nate and then at Serena. "Ava," she smiled quietly.

"Ava," Serena pondered. "Ava Waldorf Archibald." She said it allowed to hear it herself. "I like it."

"No," Blair shook her head. "Ava Eleanor Archibald." Nate absentmindedly rubbed Blair's upper arm as she leant against him.

"Oh," Serena said lightly and smiled. "Even nicer."

Blair smiled up at Nate. They'd discussed their daughter's surname at great length, but Blair had settled on just Archibald as she herself planned to take Nate's name after their marriage.

* * *

Blair fought to keep her eyes open as Serena, then Lily, then Heidi, then Jonathon, then Eric, then Howard, then Anne all took turns in fussing over their angel.

Serena and Heidi left with Lily, Eric and Jonathon when Nate's parents arrived. "Blair," Anne's voice sang as she entered the room and enveloped her daughter-in-law. Howard hung back a little and smiled when he caught sight of the little baby who was in Eric's arms. Eric passed her to him, she had woken up when Jonathon had first taken her and had had her first tantrum, fussing and screaming her little lungs out. Eric had swiped her from Jonathon and she had calmed down. Eric then began poking fun at Jonathon for his apparent lack of baby skills, but he'd shrugged it off as the room quieted down.

Howard looked down to see the green eyes of his wife and son sparkling back up at him. She didn't fuss in his arms as he'd expected but he felt a little uncomfortable and he passed her to Anne as soon as his wife pulled back from her embrace with Blair.

Blair watched as Anne held her granddaughter expertly and hushed her as she began to fuss and slowly her little green eyes closed and she fell asleep. Blair had began to feel a little unsure as everyone had passed her daughter around the room. What if Ava took to her in the same way she had taken to Jonathon? She was too tired to even contemplate it at the moment. Howard, Anne and Nate were far too entranced by the new arrival that only Nate noticed as she slipped off to sleep, snuggling closer to him. Nate held her tight as she slept. Anne and Howard stayed for a while longer with Nate passing baby Ava between the two of them and Anne took pictures all the while.

* * *

When Blair awoke she had been tucked up in the hospital bed and a momentary flutter of panic ran through her until she saw Nate sitting in the chair by her bed. He had moved the baby's crib to be right next to her bed. He smiled at her when he saw her eyes open.

"Hey," he whispered a little groggily. She smiled sleepily. "How are you feeling?"

"OK," she smiled, although in truth every inch of her body seemed to be in pain. He smiled gently as she pulled herself into a sitting position. "Has everyone gone?"

He smirked, "Yes, eventually. Although Serena did threaten to come back this morning."

"When do we get to go home?"

"I'll ask them when Serena turns up."

"Can you believe that we'll actually get to take her home with us?" Blair mused stroking her sleeping daughter's head lightly.

"She's going to be like you - I can already tell."

"She's going to have you wrapped around he finger too." Blair giggled. Nate chuckled. "Has my dad called yet?"

"He called last night when you were asleep, I didn't want to wake you."

"Did he say he was coming?"

"His flight's landing at La Guardia at 11am and he'll be here by 1pm."

* * *

Anyone who happened to be wandering through the halls of the hospital on July 19th could have been convinced that Christmas was on its way. Harold Waldorf and his "life-partner" struggled up the stairs of the Lennox Hill Hospital towards the maternity ward with arms full of presents.

Harold and Roman were led into Blair's private side room where she and Nate were again sitting on the bed together taking advantage of their alone time to bond with baby Ava.

"Blair bear!" Harold exclaimed upon entering the room and dumping the pile of presents in one of the vacant chairs. "My, my, my, isn't she beautiful!" He cried as Blair and Nate both laughed, while cringing a little.

"Et la robe est très belle!" Roman exclaimed. Blair smiled happily, she had especially reserved her favorite dress from the new Chloe baby range to dress her daughter in the first chance she got and she was sure there would be lots and lots of pictures taken to commemorate the dress as well as her daughter's first day or two of life.

"Can I hold her darling?" Harold requested.

Blair gently passed Ava into his arms and he smiled down at her.

"Oh dear, I must be so old to you," Harold smiled gently. "I'm your grandfather and this is Roman, another of your grandfather's, and I think you're the most beautiful thing I've seen since your mommy was born." Blair cringed again, but Nate smiled and kissed her cheek.

Harold and Roman stayed for the few hours that visitors were allowed before they took off, assuring Blair that they were staying at the Palace and only a phone call away if she or Nate or Ava needed anything.

"Thanks daddy," Blair smiled as they kissed goodbye.

"And thank you for all the gifts," Nate added.

"You're very welcome Nathaniel. I want my little granddaughter to be the best dressed baby girl in all of New York City and all of the stuff was too adorable not to buy."

"I think her mother had that taken care as well," Nate grinned.

The hospital had insisted that Blair and Ava spend one more night, despite Blair's protests. She eventually relented, but urged Nate to go home as he looked about as exhausted as she was.

"I don't want to leave either of you," Nate insisted.

"This might be your only chance for a proper nights sleep in months," Blair reminded him.

"As tempting as that sounds, I'd rather be here with both of you than at home on my own."

Blair eventually gave up trying to convince Nate to go home to sleep and curled up to sleep herself. Nate sat in the chair once again with Ava lying in the plastic hospital crib between himself and Blair. She had been changed into one of the neutral bunnypattern onesies after she had coughed up her latest feed.

The hospital chair was so damn uncomfortable that Nate half began to wish that he had joined Blair's protests to have his fiancee and daughter discharged that evening. He sat awake for a good length of time merely watching Blair and Ava sleep, whilst reflecting on how lucky he was. As he was beginning to feel his eyes grow heavy Ava woke and began fussing beneath the sterile hospital blankie.

"Hey," Nate stroked her cheek with his finger. "Shh, shh, shh; you don't want to wake your mommy now, do you?"

The groan from the hospital bed informed Nate it was too late to worry about waking Blair. "Is she OK?" Bl;air asked as she pushed herself up and made to lift Ava from the bed side crib.

"She's fine," Nate insisted. "You get some rest. O can take care of her for now, you look exhausted."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Blair smiled placidly as Nate lifted Ava and began to rock her in his arms.

"You deserve a lot more," Nate reminded her. "But I'm going to be what you deserve from now on."

Blair only smiled in return. It wasn't the most convincing smile she'd ever given him, but it pretty much summed up why Nate needed to grovel to regain her trust.

"Maybe she needs a feed," Blair suggested as Ava's crying failed to quieten down. Nate realized Blair was right it had been hours since Ava's last feed. He gently passed her to Blair, who carefully positioned her to be fed.

To the new parents' relief a feeding seemed to be all their baby girl needed when she had been fed she lay contentedly in Blair's arms, snuggled close to her mother.

"You know it's crazy home much I feel like I love her," Nate remarked as he watched his daughter's tiny movements in Blair's arms.

"How do you mean?" Blair asked curiously.

"I mean I loved the idea of us having a baby before she was born, but now she's here I never realized how I would feel about her, as a person."

Blair ndded as if in understanding. The past nine months had certainly torn her emotions this way and that. It as quite remarkable that what Blair had at some point thought was the biggest oopsie of her life was now lying in her arms and Blair felt as if she would give this little baby girl the world if she were to ask for it. When she looked down at Ava, her shock of dark hair and her green eyes, which glittered even in the dim room, Blair found her stomach shurn as she thought back to what she had almost done after discovering the unplanned pregnancy. She had, or course, realized in the latter stages of pregnancy that she was glad that she hadn't gone through with the termination, but as she held her daughter in that moment Blair realized that, despite the problems pregnancy may have caused in her and Nate's relationship, Ava was most definitley the best mistake she had ever made.

"It's odd to think that something so perfect came about by accident," Nate grinned cheekily, on the same wavelength as Blair like always. "And how something so innocent came from something so..."

"Sinful?" Blair offered jokingly.

"A child out of wedlock," Nate smiled as he pulled a face of faux horror.

"She and Heidi can bond over that," Blair smiled looking down at her daughter. "But can we make a promise?"

"Of course," Nate nodded as he sensed the sudden serious turn that the conversation had taken.

"Can we promise that she'll never know that she's a mistake?"

"I don't think we can protect her from any gossip as she gets older, but I promise to never tell her." Nate rubbed Blair's hand gently. He was aware of teh guilt she still felt from teh almost termination. He knew they would have to broach the subject one day soon together so that Blair knew he understood, but it was their daughter's second day of life and there was no reason to ruin it. "Of course, once we've had all our other children, the gossip surrounding Ava will die."

Blair smiled at Nate's reassurance. "All our other children?" She repeated. "How many are you planning for?"

"At least six," Nate winked. "All girls, and all exactly like you."

"OK, but I'll be having C-sections for the other five and I want a boy, just like you." Blair matched his sarcasam.

"But not as much of a screw up," Nate ammended.

"I said just like you because I love you even when you are an ass."

"And that's part of the reason I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's a bit of a random end, but it was getting too long. Please, please review and I'll love you forever. I need to apologize in advance because my next update will probably be a tad delayed. Undying love for evryoe that reviews! xx**


	11. Author's Note

**A/N: Change of heart. I've decided to make the previous chapter the last one. I just decided that things were nicely tied up and I wanted to progress onto a new story. There was more I had planned, but I may write it as a sequel later as it is not directly related to the Blair-Nate-Serena feud. I want to thank you all for sticking with this story for so long. (I think it's been over a year - gah!) And I hope you read some of my future stories too.**

**I'd like to give a special thank you to all the people that took the time to review; you guys really are the best and gave me inspiration to keep going with this story despite all the interruptions.**

**xoxo**


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